Blacktress' Log, Star Date 28 March 2009.
Greetings from Wellington, N-Zed!!
I am totes crushing on this town. I got here after midnight on the 26th, and from the moment I stepped out on Friday, I felt the buzz. My stomach was doing excited flips, the way it does when I get excited about seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time. Even though I was walking down a street that mainly consisted of warehouses, I felt like I could get down with this vibe--I was instantly feeling Welly's flava. It's kinda hipstery, and reminds me of Melbourne and NYC's East Village, but people are actually nice. Take for instance, the clerk at the jeans store, where I was on a hunt for some cute black jeans--we chatted for 20 minutes, he helped me find the cutest pair, and even gave me a gig guide so I could see what's on around town. We also talked about Kanye West being cray cray, and I think if I'd stayed around, he would have proposed to me just so he could come to NYC.
I'm trying to hunt for Bret and Jemaine, my FOTC boyfriends, but it's hard. Mainly because most people think I'm crazy when I ask where I can find them. As I walk the streets of Welly, I think to myself, "This is where Bret walked as he wrote 'Ladies of the World'" Can you imagine?! As I search various thrift stores, I try to find those cool sweaters Bret wears with pics of wolves on them, but so far, no luck. Nothing says "you could be a part-time model" like wolf art.
Ozzies always make fun of the kiwi accent, but only now, after 4 months of Ausland, can I tell the difference. The Kiwi accent is hilarious to me, as 'e' becomes 'i' and 'i' becomes 'u.' Take for instance, this gem I overheard:
"I sint him a tixt. I was tixting and tixting, and he niv-eh risponded. He's bin' a total duckhead."
'Duckhead' = 'Dickhead' Although I really wish she actually meant that he had the head of a duck. That would have been a way lower blow.
Okay, I should stop being a table-nine, indoor kid and go explore this big wide world of Wellington.
Talk soon.
xoxo,
blacktress
Showing posts with label Flight of the Conchords. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flight of the Conchords. Show all posts
Friday, March 27, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Different Strokes for Different Folks
Sunday, March 8, 2009.
I'm typing this post from the State Library in downtown Adelaide. It's been quite a long day, and it's not even noon yet. This could be due to the fact that I started drinking at around 3pm yesterday, and thought that since I had a 6:30am flight, I should just stay up all night.
Which I did.
I've been in a daze, and half-slept on my short flight to Adelaide. I'm rocking this backpack that weighs in at 13.5 kilos--about 27 pounds, I guess--and I'm already feeling it in the shoulders. I arrived at the YHA to find that check-in wasn't allowed until 1pm, so I have plenty of time to kill.
Everyone says Adelaide--known as the 'city of churches'--is boring, but I find that enjoying a city, much like ensnaring a man, is all about timing. It just so happens that the blacktress has arrived in the middle of the Adelaide Fringe Festival, a month of art and performance taking place all over the city. I instantly sat down with the festival guide and have already found some good stuff I want to see. Take, for instance, stand-up by comedian Arj Barker (from Flight of the Conchords). Or, House of the Holy Afro, which is billed as "A riotus African nightclub spectacular! Like the Soweto Gospel Choir on acid."
Two tickets, please!
Of course, in true blacktress style, I postpone visits to cultural sites and immediately hunt for free internet and an ATM, and find the streets awkwardly empty. I mean, for a big festival, there's no one around. I'm also unsure why stores aren't open....Am I in a scene from 28 Days Later??? I start to wonder as I roam.
Just then, I head to Rundle Street Mall, which is a strip of stores about 3 blocks long, and apparently is where all the cool (and unemployed) kids hang out. I wanted to stop in Wooly's, but it was closed. I was confused, seeing as it said it was open from 11am-9pm. My celly clearly stated 11:08.
What sort of town is this?!
I get to the library and sign up for 30 minutes of free internet. "You have computer number 5 from 11-11:30," I'm told by the lovely retiree who volunteers to keep himself active. I nod and smile, but am confused, because it's 11:15. How is this possible?
I go to sit at another computer while I'm waiting and the time reads 10:45. I'm utterly baffled. Where the F am I?
Just then, I remember a little fun fact I learned during my IEP orientation: There's a half-hour time difference between South Australia and New South Wales.
I kid you not. A half-hour time difference. This country never ceases to amaze. It's not even really a time difference so much as government-sanctioned tardiness.
Well, now that I've got that sorted, I'm less annoyed by my friend Justin because he's not actually late to meet me and show me around. This does, however, mean I'll have to wait 30 more minutes to stuff my face with lunch.
I'll let you know how I go in the City of Churches (and free internet).
I'm typing this post from the State Library in downtown Adelaide. It's been quite a long day, and it's not even noon yet. This could be due to the fact that I started drinking at around 3pm yesterday, and thought that since I had a 6:30am flight, I should just stay up all night.
Which I did.
I've been in a daze, and half-slept on my short flight to Adelaide. I'm rocking this backpack that weighs in at 13.5 kilos--about 27 pounds, I guess--and I'm already feeling it in the shoulders. I arrived at the YHA to find that check-in wasn't allowed until 1pm, so I have plenty of time to kill.
Everyone says Adelaide--known as the 'city of churches'--is boring, but I find that enjoying a city, much like ensnaring a man, is all about timing. It just so happens that the blacktress has arrived in the middle of the Adelaide Fringe Festival, a month of art and performance taking place all over the city. I instantly sat down with the festival guide and have already found some good stuff I want to see. Take, for instance, stand-up by comedian Arj Barker (from Flight of the Conchords). Or, House of the Holy Afro, which is billed as "A riotus African nightclub spectacular! Like the Soweto Gospel Choir on acid."
Two tickets, please!
Of course, in true blacktress style, I postpone visits to cultural sites and immediately hunt for free internet and an ATM, and find the streets awkwardly empty. I mean, for a big festival, there's no one around. I'm also unsure why stores aren't open....Am I in a scene from 28 Days Later??? I start to wonder as I roam.
Just then, I head to Rundle Street Mall, which is a strip of stores about 3 blocks long, and apparently is where all the cool (and unemployed) kids hang out. I wanted to stop in Wooly's, but it was closed. I was confused, seeing as it said it was open from 11am-9pm. My celly clearly stated 11:08.
What sort of town is this?!
I get to the library and sign up for 30 minutes of free internet. "You have computer number 5 from 11-11:30," I'm told by the lovely retiree who volunteers to keep himself active. I nod and smile, but am confused, because it's 11:15. How is this possible?
I go to sit at another computer while I'm waiting and the time reads 10:45. I'm utterly baffled. Where the F am I?
Just then, I remember a little fun fact I learned during my IEP orientation: There's a half-hour time difference between South Australia and New South Wales.
I kid you not. A half-hour time difference. This country never ceases to amaze. It's not even really a time difference so much as government-sanctioned tardiness.
Well, now that I've got that sorted, I'm less annoyed by my friend Justin because he's not actually late to meet me and show me around. This does, however, mean I'll have to wait 30 more minutes to stuff my face with lunch.
I'll let you know how I go in the City of Churches (and free internet).
Friday, March 6, 2009
Off Into the Outback
Blacktress' Log, Star date 7 March 2009.
I am in my room in Lilyfield and it's mostly packed. The two large suitcases I arrived with are filled to the brim, and my third excess bag has books and Buffy DVDs, and some shoes. I feel like I did the last couple days of college, when your parents take your stuff, but you still stick around for Senior Week in hopes of making out with your crush from Intro Psych.
Tomorrow at 6:30am, I begin a Sojourn unlike any other that Sojourner has seen. For the next 5 weeks I will explore this sunburnt country in all its glory. I will visit a glacier in New Zealand, sleep under the stars in the outback, and do all of this while carrying all my necessities in a backpack.
I am becoming a BLACKpacker.
My fear is palpable.
I've never just up and gone, and my lack of physical fitness makes carrying 20 pounds on my back as I trek a bit of a worry. I just feel like I'll be wearing a large sign that says "swindle and mug me, good sir"--and I'll end up with a herniated disk.
But this is what I wanted to do. I am dying to see the country, get out of Sydney, and really explore. And I'm not doing the typical backpacker route, which is up the East Coast all the way to Cairns, enjoying 6 weeks of beaches and booze. No, no--the blacktress is going into the middle, into the Northern Territory. Where the sand is red, the roads are empty, and the animals are deadly.
I am so frickin' nervous and excited!!!
I will start in Adelaide, the capital city in South Australia, where I'll chill for 3 days seeing the sights. Everyone says Adelaide is boring and that 3 days is too long, but one of those days will involve a winery tour in the Barossa Valley--you know how I love my wine! I also have an acquaintance there who will gladly show me some things, so that should take the edge off as well.
From Adelaide, I hop on a 6-day/5-night bus tour that will take me into the Northern Territory. Being the outback and all, travel is expensive and difficult, and driving is the only way to get around. Considering I'm a New Yorker who can't really drive, and certainly can't handle the wrong side of the road and 90-degree weather in a beat-up truck, this bus tour was the perfect way to see everything and be safe. We stop at Coober Pedy, a town that's underground because it's so damn hot in the desert (I wonder if it has an underground railroad?). It's also the opal capital of the world, and my mom has already asked that I bring her back something "unique."
From there we continue up north, stopping at all the major sights--Uluru, Kings Canyon, the Olgas. All this lovely nature-y stuff that I would never be able to get to or see on my own. I'll even be CAMPING, guys!! AAHHHH!! Under the outback stars!!
Yes, I bought bug spray.
I spend a couple days in Alice Springs, where the bus lands. I'm excited to see actual Aboriginals and learn some things about their culture in land they inhabit. From there I'll fly to Darwin, at the very very top of the Northern Territory, where it's the wet season and it'll be 90 degress with humidity when it's not pouring rain. They also have jellyfish warnings, so going into the ocean is not advised. YAY!!!
I plan to wrestle a crocodile while I'm there.
From there I'll fly over to Cape Tribulation, on the Great Barrier Reef. I will snorkel in an attempt to find Nemo.
From there I fly to Wellington, NZ, where my hunt for Bret and Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords will begin. I will also go on a Lord of the Rings tour unironically, and learn to speak Elvish.
For you visual folks, here's the route:
After 2 weeks in NZ, I will return to Sydney for a few days, before hopping on a Qantas flight back to NYC.
Yes, people. The blacktress is coming BACK(tress)!
So, this may be my last post for a little while--I'm going to be broke-ass, and paying $3-8 bucks for internet doesn't seem sensible. I'll try to find public libraries and keep everyone abreast, but don't be angry if it's few and far between. Most likely I will write a fuck-ton while I'm on the road and then put it all up when I get back. I'll try to take tons of pictures because I'm sure most of you will simply be amused to see me wearing a huge backpack. The photos will mostly be of landscapes, though, seeing as I'll be wearing the same clothes over and over, and end up looking a hot mess.
Wish me luck, and don't hesitate to email or comment. I'll need to know I'm not alone as I begin this journey.
xoxo,
Sojo
I am in my room in Lilyfield and it's mostly packed. The two large suitcases I arrived with are filled to the brim, and my third excess bag has books and Buffy DVDs, and some shoes. I feel like I did the last couple days of college, when your parents take your stuff, but you still stick around for Senior Week in hopes of making out with your crush from Intro Psych.
Tomorrow at 6:30am, I begin a Sojourn unlike any other that Sojourner has seen. For the next 5 weeks I will explore this sunburnt country in all its glory. I will visit a glacier in New Zealand, sleep under the stars in the outback, and do all of this while carrying all my necessities in a backpack.
I am becoming a BLACKpacker.
My fear is palpable.
I've never just up and gone, and my lack of physical fitness makes carrying 20 pounds on my back as I trek a bit of a worry. I just feel like I'll be wearing a large sign that says "swindle and mug me, good sir"--and I'll end up with a herniated disk.
But this is what I wanted to do. I am dying to see the country, get out of Sydney, and really explore. And I'm not doing the typical backpacker route, which is up the East Coast all the way to Cairns, enjoying 6 weeks of beaches and booze. No, no--the blacktress is going into the middle, into the Northern Territory. Where the sand is red, the roads are empty, and the animals are deadly.
I am so frickin' nervous and excited!!!
I will start in Adelaide, the capital city in South Australia, where I'll chill for 3 days seeing the sights. Everyone says Adelaide is boring and that 3 days is too long, but one of those days will involve a winery tour in the Barossa Valley--you know how I love my wine! I also have an acquaintance there who will gladly show me some things, so that should take the edge off as well.
From Adelaide, I hop on a 6-day/5-night bus tour that will take me into the Northern Territory. Being the outback and all, travel is expensive and difficult, and driving is the only way to get around. Considering I'm a New Yorker who can't really drive, and certainly can't handle the wrong side of the road and 90-degree weather in a beat-up truck, this bus tour was the perfect way to see everything and be safe. We stop at Coober Pedy, a town that's underground because it's so damn hot in the desert (I wonder if it has an underground railroad?). It's also the opal capital of the world, and my mom has already asked that I bring her back something "unique."
From there we continue up north, stopping at all the major sights--Uluru, Kings Canyon, the Olgas. All this lovely nature-y stuff that I would never be able to get to or see on my own. I'll even be CAMPING, guys!! AAHHHH!! Under the outback stars!!
Yes, I bought bug spray.
I spend a couple days in Alice Springs, where the bus lands. I'm excited to see actual Aboriginals and learn some things about their culture in land they inhabit. From there I'll fly to Darwin, at the very very top of the Northern Territory, where it's the wet season and it'll be 90 degress with humidity when it's not pouring rain. They also have jellyfish warnings, so going into the ocean is not advised. YAY!!!
I plan to wrestle a crocodile while I'm there.
From there I'll fly over to Cape Tribulation, on the Great Barrier Reef. I will snorkel in an attempt to find Nemo.
From there I fly to Wellington, NZ, where my hunt for Bret and Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords will begin. I will also go on a Lord of the Rings tour unironically, and learn to speak Elvish.
For you visual folks, here's the route:
After 2 weeks in NZ, I will return to Sydney for a few days, before hopping on a Qantas flight back to NYC.
Yes, people. The blacktress is coming BACK(tress)!
So, this may be my last post for a little while--I'm going to be broke-ass, and paying $3-8 bucks for internet doesn't seem sensible. I'll try to find public libraries and keep everyone abreast, but don't be angry if it's few and far between. Most likely I will write a fuck-ton while I'm on the road and then put it all up when I get back. I'll try to take tons of pictures because I'm sure most of you will simply be amused to see me wearing a huge backpack. The photos will mostly be of landscapes, though, seeing as I'll be wearing the same clothes over and over, and end up looking a hot mess.
Wish me luck, and don't hesitate to email or comment. I'll need to know I'm not alone as I begin this journey.
xoxo,
Sojo
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
This Just In....
Good morning gentle readers! The sun is shining today, January 8, 2009, the birthday of Zahara Jolie-Pitt, and I'm up with the dawn...at 10 am.
My foot's still delicate, and I woke up to make a follow-up appointment with yet another doctor. I'm in for tomorrow at 10:45 am, so wish me luck, guys. Here's to hope, change, and not becoming an amputee in 2009!
I'm feeling optimistic, though--but that could be due to the youtube clip my homegirl just sent me a link to.
Now, I'm not a Gossip Girl fan, as it brings back too many memories of my days at en elite Manhattan private school and the damage done to me emotionally, but I do love musical comedy and when genres are done spot-on by an unlikely duo ('Flights of the Conchords,' anyone?)
Check out this Gossip Girl rap done by Southern Mothers featuring Matt Pearson (A John Legend-like character). My favorite line includes a shout-out to my alma mater--I think you can guess what it is. The images of the Upper East Side bring me back, but luckily, being on the other side of the world, I am able to truly distance myself.
HILARITY!!!!
Now, back to baby Zahara!
My foot's still delicate, and I woke up to make a follow-up appointment with yet another doctor. I'm in for tomorrow at 10:45 am, so wish me luck, guys. Here's to hope, change, and not becoming an amputee in 2009!
I'm feeling optimistic, though--but that could be due to the youtube clip my homegirl just sent me a link to.
Now, I'm not a Gossip Girl fan, as it brings back too many memories of my days at en elite Manhattan private school and the damage done to me emotionally, but I do love musical comedy and when genres are done spot-on by an unlikely duo ('Flights of the Conchords,' anyone?)
Check out this Gossip Girl rap done by Southern Mothers featuring Matt Pearson (A John Legend-like character). My favorite line includes a shout-out to my alma mater--I think you can guess what it is. The images of the Upper East Side bring me back, but luckily, being on the other side of the world, I am able to truly distance myself.
HILARITY!!!!
Now, back to baby Zahara!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Think About It...
I have a lot to share about this past weekend, but my ability to engage in fun bloggery is hampered by the fact that, in addition to meeting randoms and wishing I was 50 years old, the black community--no, not just the black community, but the WORLD--has lost two great blacktors.
On Saturday morning, blacktor/comedian Bernie Mac died of pneumonia.
This morning (Sunday), blacktor/songwriter/singer Isaac Hayes was pronounced dead at a hospital in Memphis.
"Sojourner, shut yo' mouth!" you may say with disbelief.
"I'm just talking about Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac," would be my response. (You know, in the style of the song)
Yes, Isaac Hayes-- best known for the theme song to Shaft, and later as Chef on South Park-- was only 65 years young.
Black visionaries are dropping like flies.
OMG, this just in (from three days ago): blacktor Morgan Freeman (freeman)was in a car accident on August 4. Luckily, he's doing okay after surgery on his arm. I knew Morgan would pull through--the man has a bucket list--you can't kill him!
What is happening to these men? Do you think THE MAN (you know the one I mean) is trying to send Barack a message? He's getting too big for his black britches, and they have to let him know they could end him?
Oh, Sojourner and her conspiracy theories.
But it seems I'm not alone. Check out this piece of spam that came to my work email this morning:
Yesterday, it was Bernie Mac. Today it was Isaac Hayes. Could Samuel Jackson be next?
Daryl Toor, president of Attention!, an Atlanta based publicity firm, a former music reviewer and record company executive notes:
"This photograph, taken from Isaac Hayes' official site at http://www.isaachayes.com/myframes.html is as eerie as the time I read a newspaper obituary on its own obituary writer…."
D. Toor
CEO & Chief Awareness Officer
dtoor@attentiongroup.com
Daryl Toor is searching for the TRUTH!
But, seriously-- think about it... Here's some help from Flight of the Conchords. They know what's up.
On Saturday morning, blacktor/comedian Bernie Mac died of pneumonia.
This morning (Sunday), blacktor/songwriter/singer Isaac Hayes was pronounced dead at a hospital in Memphis.
"Sojourner, shut yo' mouth!" you may say with disbelief.
"I'm just talking about Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac," would be my response. (You know, in the style of the song)
Yes, Isaac Hayes-- best known for the theme song to Shaft, and later as Chef on South Park-- was only 65 years young.
Black visionaries are dropping like flies.
OMG, this just in (from three days ago): blacktor Morgan Freeman (freeman)was in a car accident on August 4. Luckily, he's doing okay after surgery on his arm. I knew Morgan would pull through--the man has a bucket list--you can't kill him!
What is happening to these men? Do you think THE MAN (you know the one I mean) is trying to send Barack a message? He's getting too big for his black britches, and they have to let him know they could end him?
Oh, Sojourner and her conspiracy theories.
But it seems I'm not alone. Check out this piece of spam that came to my work email this morning:
Yesterday, it was Bernie Mac. Today it was Isaac Hayes. Could Samuel Jackson be next?
Daryl Toor, president of Attention!, an Atlanta based publicity firm, a former music reviewer and record company executive notes:
"This photograph, taken from Isaac Hayes' official site at http://www.isaachayes.com/myframes.html is as eerie as the time I read a newspaper obituary on its own obituary writer…."
D. Toor
CEO & Chief Awareness Officer
dtoor@attentiongroup.com
Daryl Toor is searching for the TRUTH!
But, seriously-- think about it... Here's some help from Flight of the Conchords. They know what's up.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Dream Lover
As many of you may already know, I’m kinda into Harry Potter. I love his magic wand, I want his snake to Slyther-in, you know—the usual. While this is always good for a laugh among friends, I’m starting to wonder if this obsession is getting to be a little unhealthy. I woke up in the middle of the night after a terrible nightmare. I struggled to go back to sleep, but was unable to. This morning, I talked to my fellow scorned woman about what happened, unable to go on with my day until this wicked dream was out in the open.
Thank god for gchat, or else I would have had to wait until a reasonable hour to discuss this via telephone.
me: oh my god, i had such bad nightmares last night
seriously, i had to wake up and put on ‘flight of the conchords’ on dvd just to calm down
K: oh my god
me: but the dream was this:
luna lovegood was possessed by lord voldemort and there was nothing i could do
so i texted harry, ron, and hermione
because i can't even speak parseltongue
(katie, i'm dead serious)
K: shut up-- you had a nightmare about harry potter
me: and luna was all pasty and speaking in scary demonic languages, kinda like linda blair in THE EXORCIST
and i was carrying her downstairs to the living room, terrified.
and then harry texted me back
Kathleen: texting with harry potter
egads
me: and harry was like, "reply to her in the voice she uses and tell her to stop"
and then i did i said "impendimentum"
what does that mean?!
and luna acted like she was okay
but then she wasn't
K: wow this is very detailed
me: and she used dark magic to knock me and my mom down
it really was quite detailed and intense.
i woke up in a cold sweat
maybe i had a vision
maybe i'm connected to the dark lord
maybe....
this should be a blog post?
Thursday, September 27, 2007
He's So Hot-- BOOM!
OH. MY. GOD.
So, I had my date with the Greek man last night, guys.
I am still swooning.
Ok, seriously: Is it wrong to want to marry someone simply because they are hotter than Sanaa Lathan making out with Halle Berry while Denzel Washington watches? (That’s a triple threat of hotness, in case you didn't get that)
He is classically handsome. So hot, he probably shouldn’t be allowed to walk around normal society. I think I want to put him in a cage and just poke him. And take him out for feedings.... OF SEX.He's so hot, he could be a part-time model (and you know how I love those). He could be a gigolo-- and with that accent?! He could make many unhappily married moneyed wives very satisfied.
But is there such a thing as too hot? As I’ve said in previous posts, being too hot can be dangerous. When we were walking together I felt fear—I mean, more than just the general, Oh-lord-some-black-man-is-going-to-give-me-dagger-eyes-for-dating-this-white-boy fear. I was worried that pretty girls would come up to me and punch me, steal my wallet, then use my money to take the Greek god out to dinner.
Is that silly?
The only thing that made me feel superior to (and thereby good enough for) him is the fact that English is his second language. His linguistic foibles are so endearing. When he was trying to impress me with the books he likes to read (philosophy, religion, the classics—YAWN!), I responded with: So, you’re no fun and don’t like laughter?
To which he replied, “No, I’m just trying to impress you. I like to joke around. I have a very black sense of humor.” Huh? By “black humor,” does he mean like Sanford & Son or Def Comedy Jam?
OH! He means “dark humor,” like sarcastic and morbid—teehee, oh foreign man!
Every now and then he’d grasp for a word, and I would feel like a secret genius, ready to aid his foreign mind with my knowledge of complex adjectives.
But language can be learned. Sayings and turns of phrase can be placed in context.
But hotness is a gift. A genetic gift. Despite his euro jacket (very…. 80s MJ, circa "Thriller"), his hotness was clear as day—and even more so without the fedora (see previous post). His hotness reminded me of this song I love, by Flight of the Conchords. It’s called “She’s So Hot…BOOM!” In the first line, singer Bret Mackenzie says, “She’s so hot, she’s like a curry. If I tell her she’s hot, will she think I’m sexist? She’s so hot she’s making me sexist. Bitch.” See for yourself.
I know exactly how he feels. Who's the Boom King? Greek God is the Boom King!
So, date #1 ended with plans for date #2, which will take place on Saturday. What to wear?! What to do?!
Did I also mention that he doesn’t drink alcohol and DOESN’T OWN A CELL PHONE? He’s my very own Antiques Roadshow. A foreign, ridiculously good looking episode of Antiques Roadshow.
So, I had my date with the Greek man last night, guys.
I am still swooning.
Ok, seriously: Is it wrong to want to marry someone simply because they are hotter than Sanaa Lathan making out with Halle Berry while Denzel Washington watches? (That’s a triple threat of hotness, in case you didn't get that)
He is classically handsome. So hot, he probably shouldn’t be allowed to walk around normal society. I think I want to put him in a cage and just poke him. And take him out for feedings.... OF SEX.He's so hot, he could be a part-time model (and you know how I love those). He could be a gigolo-- and with that accent?! He could make many unhappily married moneyed wives very satisfied.
But is there such a thing as too hot? As I’ve said in previous posts, being too hot can be dangerous. When we were walking together I felt fear—I mean, more than just the general, Oh-lord-some-black-man-is-going-to-give-me-dagger-eyes-for-dating-this-white-boy fear. I was worried that pretty girls would come up to me and punch me, steal my wallet, then use my money to take the Greek god out to dinner.
Is that silly?
The only thing that made me feel superior to (and thereby good enough for) him is the fact that English is his second language. His linguistic foibles are so endearing. When he was trying to impress me with the books he likes to read (philosophy, religion, the classics—YAWN!), I responded with: So, you’re no fun and don’t like laughter?
To which he replied, “No, I’m just trying to impress you. I like to joke around. I have a very black sense of humor.” Huh? By “black humor,” does he mean like Sanford & Son or Def Comedy Jam?
OH! He means “dark humor,” like sarcastic and morbid—teehee, oh foreign man!
Every now and then he’d grasp for a word, and I would feel like a secret genius, ready to aid his foreign mind with my knowledge of complex adjectives.
But language can be learned. Sayings and turns of phrase can be placed in context.
But hotness is a gift. A genetic gift. Despite his euro jacket (very…. 80s MJ, circa "Thriller"), his hotness was clear as day—and even more so without the fedora (see previous post). His hotness reminded me of this song I love, by Flight of the Conchords. It’s called “She’s So Hot…BOOM!” In the first line, singer Bret Mackenzie says, “She’s so hot, she’s like a curry. If I tell her she’s hot, will she think I’m sexist? She’s so hot she’s making me sexist. Bitch.” See for yourself.
I know exactly how he feels. Who's the Boom King? Greek God is the Boom King!
So, date #1 ended with plans for date #2, which will take place on Saturday. What to wear?! What to do?!
Did I also mention that he doesn’t drink alcohol and DOESN’T OWN A CELL PHONE? He’s my very own Antiques Roadshow. A foreign, ridiculously good looking episode of Antiques Roadshow.
Friday, August 3, 2007
The Vampire Slayer
So, I went on a "date" last night.
I have to use quotation marks because I'm not even sure what was going on. Do you ever find yourself in situations where you stop and ask yourself, "Am I on candid camera? Is this a bad Lifetime movie?"
I have these moments all the time, but since I relish awkward randomness (hence my love of internet dates), I do not run away from these gifts. In fact, I prefer to babble and just see exactly how tightly closed the envelope is, and how far I can push it.
For example: As I'm walking with my tall glass of milk, yoga studio-owning 38-year-old date, I casually say,
What a ridiculous thing to say. Cue laughter.
But no!!!! Apparently, this was a "crazy" thing to say-- which surprised me because he seemed to be able to handle Sojourner's truths thus far, was smoking weed on our date, and took me on a walk around the backwoods of Central Park after nightfall (where he showed me a flower garden which he described as "phallic"). If anything, I was playing the straight man. What I said was so un-humorous, that my "date" then says,
Is this true? Am I a blood-sucking fiend out for the white male life force?
I don't think so-- I just want to get my O-face on (if you know what I mean, and I think you do...). And sometimes, my need to get my O-face on means I cut the bullshit. I want you to play your gender, woo me like the woman of your dreams, look me in the eyes and say,
Is that so wrong? So when I'm in your apartment watching tall, hot, crazy-eyed Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly," I start to get hot and bothered. And granted, I've called several friends to check on me to make sure I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere, but that's not cause I don't want to get my O-face on. It's because you haven't said the magic words. Part-time model, my friend.
I hope he calls me.
I have to use quotation marks because I'm not even sure what was going on. Do you ever find yourself in situations where you stop and ask yourself, "Am I on candid camera? Is this a bad Lifetime movie?"
I have these moments all the time, but since I relish awkward randomness (hence my love of internet dates), I do not run away from these gifts. In fact, I prefer to babble and just see exactly how tightly closed the envelope is, and how far I can push it.
For example: As I'm walking with my tall glass of milk, yoga studio-owning 38-year-old date, I casually say,
"I just don't know what to think, because of all my internet suitors, you're not obsessed with me. And I just don't get why not."
What a ridiculous thing to say. Cue laughter.
But no!!!! Apparently, this was a "crazy" thing to say-- which surprised me because he seemed to be able to handle Sojourner's truths thus far, was smoking weed on our date, and took me on a walk around the backwoods of Central Park after nightfall (where he showed me a flower garden which he described as "phallic"). If anything, I was playing the straight man. What I said was so un-humorous, that my "date" then says,
"Why do you need people to be obsessed with you? You feed on it, don't you? You have a vampiric quality."
Is this true? Am I a blood-sucking fiend out for the white male life force?
I don't think so-- I just want to get my O-face on (if you know what I mean, and I think you do...). And sometimes, my need to get my O-face on means I cut the bullshit. I want you to play your gender, woo me like the woman of your dreams, look me in the eyes and say,
"Girl, you're so beautiful, you could be a.... a waitress. No, no-- you're so beautiful, you could be an air hostess from the 1960s. No, that's not it, either. You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model-- but you'd probably still have to keep your normal job."
Is that so wrong? So when I'm in your apartment watching tall, hot, crazy-eyed Jeff Goldblum in "The Fly," I start to get hot and bothered. And granted, I've called several friends to check on me to make sure I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere, but that's not cause I don't want to get my O-face on. It's because you haven't said the magic words. Part-time model, my friend.
I hope he calls me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)