I then went on to have a 20-minute gchat conversation about what I imagine a relationship to be like with my imaginary 12-year-old boyfriend. I have pasted it below for your reading/procrastination pleasure:
me: our fights ARE adorable--but he always hangs up to "go to bed"
me: and i'm like, "don't you walk away from me, jimmy!"
me: and he's like, "Well, i took my rubber bands out, so you should be happy"
K: at least he's done with headgear
me: then i'm like, "well, you can't touch my vag cause i have my period"and he's all like, "what's a period?"
me: and i'm like, "don't play dumb with me, jimmy!!!!"
K: but then you make him pizza bites and he's ok
me: well, like, sometimes it's really hard when he takes his anger out on me. he comes home after a game of wiffle ball and he's all yelling at me, like i fucked it up and i'm like, "i have nothing to do with your little league"
he can be so moody sometimes
me: then, he wants to get all frisky, and i'm like, "jimmy, you haven't even discovered deodorant yet, could you please back up?!"
me: Um, should this conversation just be a blog post?
Look at that smile. How can I just walk away????