Being home is sometimes hard. My friends are getting married, engaged, getting PhDs, and generally making something of their lives. I, on the other hand, have some good stories to tell, but that doesn't seem to mean a damn thing in NYC. I also manage to meet a cool-but-possibly-crazy dude, and in the wonderfully bizarro fuckery that is my life, he has left today for two weeks in AUSTRALIA.
Knowing my luck, he will come back with a fiancee. And she will be someone I know.
Anyhoo, this means that sometimes I go down a shame spiral. A slippery, dark spiral of shame that is lubricated with my mistakes--you know, like making out with married businessmen from Missouri on a Sunday evening. I mean, it's the Lord's day, for fuck's sake! I need to get it together!
But going down shame spirals isn't proactive. And what I did learn from my Oz time is how to cope with emotions in healthy ways,. Often, this involves watching Buffy DVDs or Arrested Development. Lately, it's involved the interwebs. In an effort to keep my head right, I'm making a list of things that I can turn to in times of crisis. I think these things could also be helpful to you, too, gentle readers. So here, I post....
Proof that I am Wretched and Spiteful
Take, for instance, this gem: "(610): She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it".
There are others who took the words out of my very own texts:
"(479): okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
(501): ok you need to stop NOW"
-F My Life. I think we've all seen this one, but it NEVER gets old.
- Why The Fuck Do You Have A Kid? Cause, quite frankly, most people should not be allowed to spawn. This site was brought to my attention as a result of this post.
- MTV's show 16 and Pregnant.
No matter what happens, I will always be able to say that I'm NOT 16 and pregnant.
Note: sometimes this show will make you want to cry and vomit, as well as donate all your books to the uneducated.
-This youtube of teens freaking out of the trailer for the latest Twilight movie. At least I know I'm not this obsessed with the idea of a vampire boyfriend--although, to be fair, this clip was sent to me with the subject line: "Is this us?," so I very well could be.
I think my favorite is the young boy questioning his sexuality who says, "Ohmygod, Jasper has new hair!" in a breathy moan.