16 and Pregnant-- The Live Blog

I know I've never done this, but I seriously wish I could watch this show with people, and never do. So, to get out all of my emotions, I thought live bloggery would be best.

[11:00pm] Oh my god, this episode is going to be so good.

[11:01] Tyler and Catelynn (yes, that's how it's spelled) are step-siblings. Her mom, April, married Tyler's dad, Butch, after Tyler and Catelynn started dating!!! Oh my god, is this a shit show?

[11:02] Friend: "didn't you use condoms?
Tyler: yeah, i used one that got washed in the washing machine.
Friend: "and now she's pregnant."
Oh, Tyler. Just because you can use money that has been through the wash cycle doesn't mean you can dry and straighten out a condom. Get it together, boo!

[11:04] Ty and Cate are thinking of pulling a Juno. They have some sense! They are the first people in the series to actually try and break the cycle of poverty, lack of education, and tragedy, and recognize that just because they are physically capable of spawning doesn't mean they have to raise a child. Cate knows that she can't be a mommy when she's gotta get her braces tightened!

[11:04:30] Cate and Ty's parents don't approve of adoption.
"Here's my son, 16, 17 years old, and he has this baby and gives it away to this great family. And he's not manning up. What am I to think?" - Butch, Tyler's dad. Really? This is why white people can't have nice things.

[11:11- 11:13] Tyler: "I want the dad to be college educated, whether it's a bachelor's, masters, whatever."
Um, I think Tyler hates his dad, Butch, for being so trashy. Oh god, Butch has a mullet and prison tats, and a molestache!
- Butch just said "All that baby needs is love." Tyler just flipped out, oh my god, I'm kind of obsessed with Tyler. He has big dreams--he doesn't want a dream deferred!

[11:14] Catelynn doesn't even want to see the baby. She wants to pop it out and hand it off! Oh, Tyler's tending to her sadness! I heart him.

[11:15-11:18] Worse commercials ever. Um, they've made a straight-to-DVD sequel to "Van Wilder"?

[11:18] Mom thinks she should keep the baby for three reasons:
1. Catelynn would be a good mom.
2. She and Butch could help.
3. "She'd be my first grandbaby, and I'd be thinking about her."
Note: Catelynn has dyed her hair from goth-black to honey brown. Isn't dyeing one's hair frowned upon during pregnancy? I hope this baby doesn't end up with flippers!

[11:20] Why are their parents so selfish and thoughtless? Why would they want their 16-year-olds to raise children instead of going to college, reaching their potential, and having full lives not cut short as a result of one silly night of passion?!

[11:21] Meeting the adoptive parents! They seem so sweet! Super cheesy and dorky, and they just want to love a baby! Oh, they even met at church! You know there's guilt surrounding the inability to conceive--poor tender Christian lovers. They will be so happy with this baby.

[11:23] Catelynn just wants her baby to have what she never did--stability, providing. Oh, she's crying, and now I'm crying too! Poor Catelynn, she's been through so much. She's being such a strong black woman right now. I want to just buy her some Audre Lorde and get her into a nice 4-year college.

[11:27] Dawn the adoption agent is really good at being diplomatic and non-judging.
Catelynn's mother just called her a bitch! WTF? I find the parents to be more of a hot mess than the children.

[11:29 -11:31] Catelynn has rubber bands on her braces. She is the cutest prego teen I've ever seen. I think this is partially because she is giving the baby a good home.

Oh god, she has to hug her mother and help her deal with the pain of giving away the baby.
Tyler is writing a letter to the baby! They are so active and thoughftul.
(I think Tyler is already balding a bit, though--awkward!)
TEARS FROM TYLER, AAAAHHH!!!
Tears from Tyler = Tears from Blacktress.

[11:33] We're inducing labor! Tyler's in the hospital room, as is Catelynn's mother, who looks like she's got a substance abuse issue.

[11:34-11:41] Catelynn should take her rubberbands out. I think they're going to cause an obstruction.
- 2.5 hours into labor! I am never having a baby. It's like trying to shove a watermelon through a keyhole. I get cramps when I wait to long to pee!
- Why isnt' her mother by her side to help her through this? I am so not even a fan of April.
- Oh, now she's on her celly, saying half-heartedly, "breathe, Cate."
- Oh em gee, everyone's here--Catelynn's got an entourage for this birth.
- Um, is mom wearing a baby tee?
- TEARS FROM TYLER AGAIN!!
- I love that Ty's not afraid to grab a knee and help her push. He's been in there, he can see what's coming out!
- She doesn't want to look at the baby, she's freaking out. I'M freaking out. Now Ty is giving her a peptalk, "We can do this, we're doing this for her. giving her a good life."
I am openly sobbing.
They won't take the baby out of the hospital room, Tyler is freaking out, he can't hear his babies cries!

[11:44- 11:50] Catelynn's mom walked out of the hospital room in a huff, all pissed. Tyler is an emotional wreck. They're going to hold the baby!
(I want Tyler to be my baby daddy.)
Uh-oh, are they going to be attached??? Can they give her up?!
Adoptive parents gave them a present--that seems weird, for some reason. It's sweet, but, like, a baby for a bracelet?

[11:54 - 12:00]
Mom won't sign adoption papers! I am livid! Why is she doing this to them?! WHY ON EARTH!?
- I am so worried for the adoptive parents. What if this doesn't come through?!
- Hand-off is taking place off hospital grounds. Tyler and Catelynn are such champions
- I'm kinda scared the mom is going to be waiting at the door with a butcher knife.
- Oh my god, she and Ty don't hate each other and are still tender!
- Catelynn is at peace!!!

Oh my god, this episode was amazing. It's exactly what I wanted to see--some kids who made a hard decision for the greater good of themselves and their children. As you can see, it's an emotional rollercoaster for the blacktress.

OH MY GOD, next week is the AFTER-LABOR FINALE SPECIAL!!!!
Don't call, don't text. I have only one place I'll be next Thursday.

Scorned Cards Are on the Rise

And it's all thanks to Facebook.
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I hate social networking sites.

Saving Private Ryan--the rap.

For the impatient, just head to minute 1:11.



Who knew WW2 could lend itself to rhyme to so well?

This might be better than Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap at the end of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze."
No, wait, nothing's better than that.
In the words of MJ, do you remember the time? Here ya go:

The Loving--I mean, LEARNING--Channel.

I'm watching "The 650-lb Virgin" on TLC.

I think I may be in love.

You know how I feel about The Learning Channel and Discovery Health, with their hour-long specials on people facing serious health problems that require extreme courage, optimism, and fortitude. It, you know, makes me less stressed about dudes not calling me back. After re-watching an old favorite-- "I Eat 33,000 Calories A Day,"--I was prompted to put down the hangover food and tuck in for some more educational and life-affirming programming.

Today's doozy is "The 650-lb Virgin," which follows David, a 31-year-old man from Phoenix, as he searches for love and faces his fears.

David is so awkward and endearing, and such a champion. He lost over 400 pounds without gastric bypass!! He did it the old-fashioned way--like, by moving his body! He'd been obese since he was a child, so he obvi missed alot of milestones--like making friends and speaking to members of the opposite sex. Finally feeling confident, after losing his weight and the excess skin, he's trying to go out there and make love happen. But it's so hard!!!! Poor David!

Here's a clip from "The Today Show." He blew Lauer's mind--which you know says something, considering all of Matt's traveling.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

He's super cute and awkward (love the bromance between him and his personal-trainer-turned-bestie, too), and has the best of intentions, but just doesn't know what to do. He even goes to a dating coach (I know, it hit home too hard for me given the current situation), and can't even ask the assistant for her phone number in a practice run. Some of my favorite quotes from David include:

"I mean, I've had a few chances, but I don't want to lose it that way. I want to give it to a woman who could be my wife." - David, re: losing his virginity.

"At least I didn't almost throw up," -- David, re: meeting girls at speed-dating. Such jitters!

"I'm about to play some putt-putt, and my heart's about to go putt-putt." -- Re: pre-mini-golf-date jitters.

The program ended with David feeling confident, but not finding love. After a couple dates, he'd gotten comfortable, and was excited to take on the dating world. I was excited for him, actually. However, I think he should not get spray tans, and definitely should NOT bring them up on his first dates.
I also think no woman should spell her name 'KaSaundra.'

So, do you think my desire to swipe the V card of a 31-year-old formerly obese stranger I saw on tv makes me mildly insane? Discuss.

Run, run, as fast as you can from the gingerbread man!

So, remember that redheaded Aussie from back in the day (you know, two months ago)?

Well, he's headed for NYC in about 6 days.

He'd first alerted me to his visit nearly 6 weeks ago, when I was INSIDE CAUCASIA (in Sweden). I shrugged it off at the time, only to learn from a mutual friend that he'd be bringing his girlfriend with him.

Um, hello?! How could he not mention her in the email? I mean, I know he's got a gf, there is not a single part of me that wants to get with him, so why not put it out there? I also know that there's not a single part of me that wants to meet her, so if I get blindsided with a gf-bomb, I will die. Cause that's what bombs do. They make you die.

Anyway, the last time he was here (when I was down under), I told him tons of stuff to do, got him discounts to comedy shows, etc. I hope he does not come to me asking for ways to entertain him and his lover. My top suggestions would be:

1. Climb to the top of the Empire State Building, hand in hand. Look out over the edge, and then jump.

2. Walk down a deserted back alley on 11th avenue, counting your American currency. Wait to be stuck with a shiv. (Do people use shivs outside of prison?)

3. S a D, cause I hate your face.

Ugh, whatever. He asked if I wanted to meet up and I was evasive. While I know I can get through a quick drink, since it'll mostly involve catching up and pleasantries, I don't think seeing him will enrich my life in any way. The only Weasley I want to see is Ronald, on screen July 15!
If I go to drinks, I will be too worried about looking cute, seeming carefree, and touting accomplishments I have not... accomplished. I won't want to hear a word about how happy and put together his Canadian life is, and I'll be resentful. And we all know how loud and inappropriate I get after some dranks.

Sorry, I'm being grumpy. I've decided that I'm not good at stand-up comedy, and this requires a major restructuring of life goals. This ginger situation is not helping.

I'm gonna go watch "16 and Pregnant."

Summertime, and The Livin' AIN'T Easy....

If you're a black day camper in Northeast Philly.

I just got a link to an article from a friend that makes me livid.
More than 60 campers were turned away from a private swim club in Philadelphia this week. Apparently, the private club, which advertises open membership (for a fee, which the camp paid so that the kids could use the pool), aren't so open after all.

The kids were immediately ushered away from the pool, and the club offered a refund.

“There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion … and the atmosphere of the club,” John Duesler, President of The Valley Swim Club said in a statement.

What. the. fuck?! Seriously, he said that. You know how evil black children can be, with their brownness, need for fun, decreased use of sunblock, and enjoyment of splashing.

It's this kind of behavior that reminds us that we have so much farther to go. I think there's this idea that, because Barack Obama is our president, that racism "is over." Clearly, this is not the case. And this is not some tiny backwoods town down South--this is up north, where I came to be free in the first damn place! This is enough to make Sojourner cry. This proves that, despite who a majority of us elected, he is still seen as the exception to the racist rules that still govern the US.

What do YOU think?

You can also see reader comments to the article here.

My New Favorite Superhero

You know how I'm really into comics and sci-fi, right? Despite my love for Wolverine and the fact that I'm moist with anticipation for the new HP movie, I have still managed to find a new magical heroic person to love.

Her name is Batgirl, and a mate of mine at the NOI Bootcamp, an organization running a simulation election, have Batgirl running for mayor of Washington D.C. Her opponents include Superman, the Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Spider-Man, Batwoman, Batman, Cyborg, and Atom.

I feel like the story of Batgirl isn't really known--she is different from Batwoman, and much, much cooler. And don't even get me started on WONDER (why everyone thinks you're so cool) WOMAN.

The primary reasons for loving Batgirl are threefold:
1. According to the comic, she is Asian--a strong woman of color, peeps.
2. Her bio states that she was held against her will and enslaved by evil assassin David Cain. She was oppressed by the white man, you know Sojourner can relate.
3. She then cast off oppression, taught herself to read and write, saved Batman's ass, and became part of the entourage. Holla at a can-do woman.

I think you should vote for Batgirl for Mayor of DC--I mean, it's not real, but it should be, really.