So, remember that redheaded Aussie from back in the day (you know, two months ago)?
Well, he's headed for NYC in about 6 days.
He'd first alerted me to his visit nearly 6 weeks ago, when I was INSIDE CAUCASIA (in Sweden). I shrugged it off at the time, only to learn from a mutual friend that he'd be bringing his girlfriend with him.
Um, hello?! How could he not mention her in the email? I mean, I know he's got a gf, there is not a single part of me that wants to get with him, so why not put it out there? I also know that there's not a single part of me that wants to meet her, so if I get blindsided with a gf-bomb, I will die. Cause that's what bombs do. They make you die.
Anyway, the last time he was here (when I was down under), I told him tons of stuff to do, got him discounts to comedy shows, etc. I hope he does not come to me asking for ways to entertain him and his lover. My top suggestions would be:
1. Climb to the top of the Empire State Building, hand in hand. Look out over the edge, and then jump.
2. Walk down a deserted back alley on 11th avenue, counting your American currency. Wait to be stuck with a shiv. (Do people use shivs outside of prison?)
3. S a D, cause I hate your face.
Ugh, whatever. He asked if I wanted to meet up and I was evasive. While I know I can get through a quick drink, since it'll mostly involve catching up and pleasantries, I don't think seeing him will enrich my life in any way. The only Weasley I want to see is Ronald, on screen July 15!
If I go to drinks, I will be too worried about looking cute, seeming carefree, and touting accomplishments I have not... accomplished. I won't want to hear a word about how happy and put together his Canadian life is, and I'll be resentful. And we all know how loud and inappropriate I get after some dranks.
Sorry, I'm being grumpy. I've decided that I'm not good at stand-up comedy, and this requires a major restructuring of life goals. This ginger situation is not helping.
I'm gonna go watch "16 and Pregnant."
4 comments:
OH NO! What if he takes the "S a D" suggestion and likes it (and not in a Katy Perry sort of way)? That could potentially enrich his life. If you're going to suggest something mildly homoerotic for him to do, I'd tell him to stick something rough and uncomfortable in his bum... like a chainsaw!
What are you talking about .... you are amazing at stand up, please don't give it up, please please please
1) You rock at stand up.
2) Don't see the redhead. Ewwww. It will made you miserable. Ignore his emails or requests for catchups.
3) You are awesome
xx
J (back from Hawaii)
where does this nonsense about not being good at stand-up come from? that assertion has no basis in reality. not a one, whatsoever.
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