KWalsh: ok well you know its going to happen
You have reached the tipping point
I reach the tipping point once every 6 months
Me: I don’t know, maybe I’m ovulating.
KWalsh: You might as well just accept the fact that a regrettable sexual encounter is in your future.
Apparently, I have no choice.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Conversations With Blacktress
Okay, I’m kind of freaking out right now. How am I just finding out today that Roger Ebert has a black wife? I’m a discredit to both my primary and secondary race – that of film scholars.
Have I been living in a cave????
I like to think that, as the world’s preeminent blacktress (“preeminent” means ‘popular among my friends,’ right?), I’ve got my finger on the pulse of American culture, especially film and television.
Apparently, if it’s not the tale of a genetic anomaly or a pregnant teen, I’m just as in the dark as my 93 ½ year old grandmother.
I give this coupling TWO THUMBS UP!
If I’d known about Ebert’s black wife, I would have certainly profiled her for BHM!!!
I think my favorite quote so far (as I scour the interwebs for news of their love), is this:
"One of the things I admire about Roger is that his ego and his intellect enjoy a challenge," she says. "He likes a woman of substance who is smart and has something to say."
In other words, Roger’s not afraid of a strong black woman!
I guess I need to start hitting up the nerdy, film-critic set to find a man who can go toe to toe with a blacktress.
This decision comes in the wake of a recent exchange I had on the streets of NYC. It was a page out of Conversations With Deb, so ridiculous that I couldn’t even believe it was happening to me. So embarrassing that I had to go home and eat a brownie right afterward. So tragic that I had to share it with you, gentle readers. Here goes:
Monday night, around 6:30pm, I'm walking down the street with my friend Danielle, talking about life.
Me: I'm never going to find a boyfriend.
Danielle (loudly): Yes you ARE!
Random Man Crossing the Street, smiling at Sojourner and Danielle: No you're not!!!
This man was not homeless. He was not visibly intoxicated. He actually kind of looked like a grown-up Harry Potter.
And yet he still knew.
Have I been living in a cave????
I like to think that, as the world’s preeminent blacktress (“preeminent” means ‘popular among my friends,’ right?), I’ve got my finger on the pulse of American culture, especially film and television.
Apparently, if it’s not the tale of a genetic anomaly or a pregnant teen, I’m just as in the dark as my 93 ½ year old grandmother.
I give this coupling TWO THUMBS UP!If I’d known about Ebert’s black wife, I would have certainly profiled her for BHM!!!
I think my favorite quote so far (as I scour the interwebs for news of their love), is this:
"One of the things I admire about Roger is that his ego and his intellect enjoy a challenge," she says. "He likes a woman of substance who is smart and has something to say."
In other words, Roger’s not afraid of a strong black woman!
I guess I need to start hitting up the nerdy, film-critic set to find a man who can go toe to toe with a blacktress.
This decision comes in the wake of a recent exchange I had on the streets of NYC. It was a page out of Conversations With Deb, so ridiculous that I couldn’t even believe it was happening to me. So embarrassing that I had to go home and eat a brownie right afterward. So tragic that I had to share it with you, gentle readers. Here goes:
Monday night, around 6:30pm, I'm walking down the street with my friend Danielle, talking about life.
Me: I'm never going to find a boyfriend.
Danielle (loudly): Yes you ARE!
Random Man Crossing the Street, smiling at Sojourner and Danielle: No you're not!!!
This man was not homeless. He was not visibly intoxicated. He actually kind of looked like a grown-up Harry Potter.
And yet he still knew.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
16 and Pregnant - Season 2, Episode 3
9:56 - I would like you to know how much I'm multi-tasking right now. I am blogging, flat-ironing (and then wrapping) my hair, and eating a brownie.
Although I'd like to be able to do one thing at a time, I must say I am grateful to be able to do all these things at once, as this ability is due to the fact that I am not pregnant or 16, or in an abusive relationship with a 17-year-old psychopath (for more on that, check out last week's live blog.)
10:00 - Valerie! She's 15 and lives in Farm Country, near Oxford, Pennsylvania. She's brown, but she was adopted by white parents (middle-america's very own Brangelina)...and has 8 brothers and sisters.
White boyfriend, we cut to him beatboxing, and then saying, "I'm gonna be chillin' shirtless for the next few hours."
Clearly he's urban.
32 Weeks Pregnant - She wants to give Matt space.
Valerie, chillin' with her friend Sienna on the dirt road. Look, there are other black people in farm country!
"I can't visualize being with anyone else."
Um, Valerie, you're a tween. You think Taylor Swift settled with Taylor Lautner just cause they had the same first name?! If Swift can take it slow, so can you.
"But you're only 15. How could you know for the rest of your life that you'll never be with another person?" - I love how each girl has a smart common-sense friend.
10:02 - They didn't really use condoms. "Cause I was dumb...he was more experienced than I was, so I thought if it was an issue, he'd bring it up."
Well, I guess she beat me to it, so there's nothing to say there.
10:04 - They're expecting a girl, and naming her Neveah-- "cause it's 'heaven' backwards."
Um, did Ekatsim (what's that backwards, guys!) not have a nice ring to it?
10:05 - "We're pro choice -- Pro-life [he corrects himself after Valerie interrupts him]. So, she had no choice the way I saw it." - Her father is, like, 100 years old. And the fact that he confused pro-life and pro-choice implies to me that he shouldn't even be making the calls.
10:06 - Matt and his homeboy are sitting in his car beatboxing - you know, the way the urban youth are known to do. Then, you know, just take a break from the beat to discuss why he broke up with Valerie. I love that he wants to get a paternity test. Or, as his friend Eddie calls it, "the FRATERNITY TEST."
Good lord.
10:07 - Valerie calls up Matt. "We don't have any reason to be talking unless it's about the baby." Damn, he left her out cold....but then tells her he still loves her.
"We had sex alot and it was unprotected. You know it was your baby." - Valerie
"I'm not gonna deal with this petty shit."- Matt's response before hanging up.
Really? If unplanned pregnancy is petty, what does get Matt's panties in a bunch?
Probably rap battles going down on his turf without his beatbox skills.
10: 12 - Valerie's home-schooled because she failed a bunch of classes last year.
"I guess I miss getting up and actually going to school." Well, yes, Val - that's what it means to go to school at home. I love how her friend Ashley is kinda ridiculous.
Valerie is so pouty. Like, not a whiner, but a wanna-be sexy pout.
10:13 - She called Matt to give him an ultimatum, then went into labor that night.
But now she's fighting with her mother about the contractions, and then trying to call Matt.
This labor seems oddly relaxed.
10:14 - in the hospital - thank god
"After the nurse got me hooked up, we waited...and waited...and waited."
Um, what exactly were you hooked up with? I don't consider there to be any sort of hook up involved in pregnancy.
10:15 - FALSE ALARM -- the doctor sent her home!
Matt left her a vm "I just called to see if you were in labor and all that....if the baby ain't born, don't bother calling back."
Where are these 15 year olds finding these emotional abusers? I think Dr. Drew needs to do a special on relationship violence.
10:17 - Valerie brings her homegirl to the doctor's office with her. Why is Ashley in the office, just chillin?
"Is it going to go back to normal after I have the baby?"
I don't know if she means her physique or her vag--all I know is, you've got bigger fish to fry.
10:18 - Matt calls, saying he's ready to step up. So he goes over to Valerie's and lays out his plan:
"I thought for hours...I laid in bed and listened to music for three hours straight, and just thought...about what's best for the baby, and for me, cause it's my life."
Um, everything about the sentence above is why 17-year-old boys shouldn't be allowed to have sex.
Matt's decided to move to Wilmington, Delaware, so he can get a job and get his life together to help support his baby.
Okay, you know they must be in the back woods if Delaware is the promised land.
10:23 - August, 36 Weeks Pregnant.
Home schooling is soooo boring. Well, this is what happens when you skip class and get knocked up.
- 39 weeks pregnant - BABY SHOWER!
Sienna came over to talk. I like Sienna much more than Ashley - and no, not just cause she's black. It seems like she has some sense.
- "He [the doctor] told me to push like I was having a bowel movement, and I thought that was, like, a special move or something." I love that Valerie has no idea what a bowel movement is, and is about to be in charge of another human life.
10:31 - 40 weeks
"What's going on with you and Matt?" - Her younger brother asked her. He's brown, too, as is her older brother. What's with Val's parents adopting the brown?
She's ready for labor. Matt showed up!!
Why isn't he beatboxing?
"My dad can keep a pretty cool exterior, but he must be excited if he forgot his teeth."
I TOLD Y'ALL HE WAS 100!
10:33 - Baby's being born! There's brown stuff in the amniotic sac, which makes the doc think the baby may have breathed in her own fecal matter in the womb -- DANGER, DANGER!!
God, it's so hard to blog and stay focused, this is so intense.
9 Hours into labor. Matt's all up in the crotch, trying to give support. Okay, I hate him less than Josh.
10:35 - Watching her push. Oh god, the pain is beyond intense.
Whew, the baby popped out!
Josh is wiping her tears!!! Teens can be tender!
10:36 - The baby's airlifted to a larger hospital because her condition seems to have gotten worse.
AAAHHH, this is too intense.
10:39 - She was airlifted to a hospital in Philadelphia and given antibiotics...and now she's safe!!
This baby's a trooper!
Matt headed back to Delaware, and now Valerie's figuring out how to handle biznass on her own.
10:41 - Valerie calls her soul sister Sienna, who lives 200 miles away. They're totally having a "Waiting to Exhale" moment--you know, like, a 15-year-old version.
10:43 - Valerie's calling around for daycare to see if she can go back to school. She doesn't have daycare money. Shit, I don't have daycare money, and I'm an employed adult!
10:47 - Baby's 6 weeks old, and now mom is back in home school.
Everything about that sentence makes me sad.
Valerie and her homegirl Ashley are shopping for baby things - why are all their scenes set in Target?
Ashley's giving her the hot high school gossip.
- Valerie's in home school. Barb's trying to teach her about like terms and the baby's crying - how can she concentrate?! I love how old Barb is - I bet she and the dad both have autographed copies of the Bible.
10:49 - Matt comes over and is actually sweet with the baby. I wish he'd get rid of that god-awful facial hair, though.
"Her head is 15 1/2 inches in.... diameter?..." Oh, Valerie - I need you paying attention during math class in home school, boo boo.
Mom lets Matt sleep over, even though she's "not thrilled about it." Well, shit, she's already gotten knocked up, Mom - what's the worst that could happen?
10:51 - Matt's beatboxing to the baby!!!
I'm sorry, this is the greatest moment in the history of "16 and Pregnant."
BEATBOXING TO THE BABY.
I think I need an urban daddy to sing my baby ghetto lullabies.
10:55 - I love how Matt keeps asking about the baby being gassy, and even went to wash his hands before holding the baby-- and he hasn't once mentioned the fraternity test!
Something's happening to him!
They're giving her a bath together, so sweet!
This baby doesn't have a touch of color and she's got a brown mama - but she'll color up. Believe it or not, young Sojo was slightly light skinned-ded growing up.
10:57 - Valerie's final thoughts:
You gotta do, what you gotta do.
Well, not the most inspired thoughts, but I hear ya, Val - you're making due.
Next week's ep: Chelsea.
Another shitty piercing and another abusive teen boyfriend.
Are we bored of these posts yet, gentle readers?
Although I'd like to be able to do one thing at a time, I must say I am grateful to be able to do all these things at once, as this ability is due to the fact that I am not pregnant or 16, or in an abusive relationship with a 17-year-old psychopath (for more on that, check out last week's live blog.)
10:00 - Valerie! She's 15 and lives in Farm Country, near Oxford, Pennsylvania. She's brown, but she was adopted by white parents (middle-america's very own Brangelina)...and has 8 brothers and sisters.
White boyfriend, we cut to him beatboxing, and then saying, "I'm gonna be chillin' shirtless for the next few hours."
Clearly he's urban.
32 Weeks Pregnant - She wants to give Matt space.
Valerie, chillin' with her friend Sienna on the dirt road. Look, there are other black people in farm country!
"I can't visualize being with anyone else."
Um, Valerie, you're a tween. You think Taylor Swift settled with Taylor Lautner just cause they had the same first name?! If Swift can take it slow, so can you.
"But you're only 15. How could you know for the rest of your life that you'll never be with another person?" - I love how each girl has a smart common-sense friend.
10:02 - They didn't really use condoms. "Cause I was dumb...he was more experienced than I was, so I thought if it was an issue, he'd bring it up."
Well, I guess she beat me to it, so there's nothing to say there.
10:04 - They're expecting a girl, and naming her Neveah-- "cause it's 'heaven' backwards."
Um, did Ekatsim (what's that backwards, guys!) not have a nice ring to it?
10:05 - "We're pro choice -- Pro-life [he corrects himself after Valerie interrupts him]. So, she had no choice the way I saw it." - Her father is, like, 100 years old. And the fact that he confused pro-life and pro-choice implies to me that he shouldn't even be making the calls.
10:06 - Matt and his homeboy are sitting in his car beatboxing - you know, the way the urban youth are known to do. Then, you know, just take a break from the beat to discuss why he broke up with Valerie. I love that he wants to get a paternity test. Or, as his friend Eddie calls it, "the FRATERNITY TEST."
Good lord.
10:07 - Valerie calls up Matt. "We don't have any reason to be talking unless it's about the baby." Damn, he left her out cold....but then tells her he still loves her.
"We had sex alot and it was unprotected. You know it was your baby." - Valerie
"I'm not gonna deal with this petty shit."- Matt's response before hanging up.
Really? If unplanned pregnancy is petty, what does get Matt's panties in a bunch?
Probably rap battles going down on his turf without his beatbox skills.
10: 12 - Valerie's home-schooled because she failed a bunch of classes last year.
"I guess I miss getting up and actually going to school." Well, yes, Val - that's what it means to go to school at home. I love how her friend Ashley is kinda ridiculous.
Valerie is so pouty. Like, not a whiner, but a wanna-be sexy pout.
10:13 - She called Matt to give him an ultimatum, then went into labor that night.
But now she's fighting with her mother about the contractions, and then trying to call Matt.
This labor seems oddly relaxed.
10:14 - in the hospital - thank god
"After the nurse got me hooked up, we waited...and waited...and waited."
Um, what exactly were you hooked up with? I don't consider there to be any sort of hook up involved in pregnancy.
10:15 - FALSE ALARM -- the doctor sent her home!
Matt left her a vm "I just called to see if you were in labor and all that....if the baby ain't born, don't bother calling back."
Where are these 15 year olds finding these emotional abusers? I think Dr. Drew needs to do a special on relationship violence.
10:17 - Valerie brings her homegirl to the doctor's office with her. Why is Ashley in the office, just chillin?
"Is it going to go back to normal after I have the baby?"
I don't know if she means her physique or her vag--all I know is, you've got bigger fish to fry.
10:18 - Matt calls, saying he's ready to step up. So he goes over to Valerie's and lays out his plan:
"I thought for hours...I laid in bed and listened to music for three hours straight, and just thought...about what's best for the baby, and for me, cause it's my life."
Um, everything about the sentence above is why 17-year-old boys shouldn't be allowed to have sex.
Matt's decided to move to Wilmington, Delaware, so he can get a job and get his life together to help support his baby.
Okay, you know they must be in the back woods if Delaware is the promised land.
10:23 - August, 36 Weeks Pregnant.
Home schooling is soooo boring. Well, this is what happens when you skip class and get knocked up.
- 39 weeks pregnant - BABY SHOWER!
Sienna came over to talk. I like Sienna much more than Ashley - and no, not just cause she's black. It seems like she has some sense.
- "He [the doctor] told me to push like I was having a bowel movement, and I thought that was, like, a special move or something." I love that Valerie has no idea what a bowel movement is, and is about to be in charge of another human life.
10:31 - 40 weeks
"What's going on with you and Matt?" - Her younger brother asked her. He's brown, too, as is her older brother. What's with Val's parents adopting the brown?
She's ready for labor. Matt showed up!!
Why isn't he beatboxing?
"My dad can keep a pretty cool exterior, but he must be excited if he forgot his teeth."
I TOLD Y'ALL HE WAS 100!
10:33 - Baby's being born! There's brown stuff in the amniotic sac, which makes the doc think the baby may have breathed in her own fecal matter in the womb -- DANGER, DANGER!!
God, it's so hard to blog and stay focused, this is so intense.
9 Hours into labor. Matt's all up in the crotch, trying to give support. Okay, I hate him less than Josh.
10:35 - Watching her push. Oh god, the pain is beyond intense.
Whew, the baby popped out!
Josh is wiping her tears!!! Teens can be tender!
10:36 - The baby's airlifted to a larger hospital because her condition seems to have gotten worse.
AAAHHH, this is too intense.
10:39 - She was airlifted to a hospital in Philadelphia and given antibiotics...and now she's safe!!
This baby's a trooper!
Matt headed back to Delaware, and now Valerie's figuring out how to handle biznass on her own.
10:41 - Valerie calls her soul sister Sienna, who lives 200 miles away. They're totally having a "Waiting to Exhale" moment--you know, like, a 15-year-old version.
10:43 - Valerie's calling around for daycare to see if she can go back to school. She doesn't have daycare money. Shit, I don't have daycare money, and I'm an employed adult!
10:47 - Baby's 6 weeks old, and now mom is back in home school.
Everything about that sentence makes me sad.
Valerie and her homegirl Ashley are shopping for baby things - why are all their scenes set in Target?
Ashley's giving her the hot high school gossip.
- Valerie's in home school. Barb's trying to teach her about like terms and the baby's crying - how can she concentrate?! I love how old Barb is - I bet she and the dad both have autographed copies of the Bible.
10:49 - Matt comes over and is actually sweet with the baby. I wish he'd get rid of that god-awful facial hair, though.
"Her head is 15 1/2 inches in.... diameter?..." Oh, Valerie - I need you paying attention during math class in home school, boo boo.
Mom lets Matt sleep over, even though she's "not thrilled about it." Well, shit, she's already gotten knocked up, Mom - what's the worst that could happen?
10:51 - Matt's beatboxing to the baby!!!
I'm sorry, this is the greatest moment in the history of "16 and Pregnant."
BEATBOXING TO THE BABY.
I think I need an urban daddy to sing my baby ghetto lullabies.
10:55 - I love how Matt keeps asking about the baby being gassy, and even went to wash his hands before holding the baby-- and he hasn't once mentioned the fraternity test!
Something's happening to him!
They're giving her a bath together, so sweet!
This baby doesn't have a touch of color and she's got a brown mama - but she'll color up. Believe it or not, young Sojo was slightly light skinned-ded growing up.
10:57 - Valerie's final thoughts:
You gotta do, what you gotta do.
Well, not the most inspired thoughts, but I hear ya, Val - you're making due.
Next week's ep: Chelsea.
Another shitty piercing and another abusive teen boyfriend.
Are we bored of these posts yet, gentle readers?
Shameless Cross-Promotion
Hey Gang,
Today, Sojo is appearing on another blog - JJSiii's "This is the Money Shot." Check it out, and read the embarrassment that is my musical tastes.
Seriously, it's so bad that I sometimes can't even look at myself in the mirror.
Hint: Think Ghost Whisperer.
Today, Sojo is appearing on another blog - JJSiii's "This is the Money Shot." Check it out, and read the embarrassment that is my musical tastes.
Seriously, it's so bad that I sometimes can't even look at myself in the mirror.
Hint: Think Ghost Whisperer.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Bye Bye Black History
Today is a day of sadness. Not only is it a Monday, but it’s also the end of Black History Month. As we look b(l)ack on all we’ve accomplished in the last 28 days (5 stand up shows, RuPaul’s Drag Race, 16 and Pregnant…and a partridge in a pear tree), we can be thankful for the black people in our life – and the ones we’ve only read about.
Gentle readers, I find myself in a bit of a holding pattern. No, it’s not just because I’m back at the same job that drove me cray-cray only a year ago, or because my mother and her latin lover STILL haven’t moved out of the house. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t had sex in a year. Yeah, that’s probably it. All I know is, I’m feeling bored. I don’t know what to do to keep myself busy in a way that’s particularly active. 10 minutes on stage is fine, but what about the other 23 hours and 50 minutes in the day? Okay, take away 7 for sleep, then that’s still 16 hours and 50 minutes. What to do when there are no genetic anomalies to ? Now that Stephenie Meyer has stopped writing Twilight books, I have no tales of repressed, dramatic and traumatic teen love to get me through the day.
What do you suggest, gentle readers? As my number of followers pushes 45, I feel it is behoovy of me to start making out with strangers, getting in trouble, and giving you your money’s worth.
Wait, this blog is free.
Well then, consider my job done here.
Happy Monday!
PS: AAAAHHH! I just looked at my list of followers and saw that Daddy Dugan is now following a blacktress. For those of you who don’t know (i.e. all of you), Daddy Dugan is this guy I met on Friday night who seemed to be able to handle my truths. We got along swimmingly, and his ex-girlfriend is really pretty, making him much cooler by association. Do you think his following of my blog means that we’re going to be besties and braid each others’ hair and watch TEEN WITCH on Saturday nights? I hope so!
Speaking of TEEN WITCH, I will use any excuse to post a youtube clip from this film. Below, see one of the finest moments in film history (and a nod to my celibacy):
Gentle readers, I find myself in a bit of a holding pattern. No, it’s not just because I’m back at the same job that drove me cray-cray only a year ago, or because my mother and her latin lover STILL haven’t moved out of the house. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t had sex in a year. Yeah, that’s probably it. All I know is, I’m feeling bored. I don’t know what to do to keep myself busy in a way that’s particularly active. 10 minutes on stage is fine, but what about the other 23 hours and 50 minutes in the day? Okay, take away 7 for sleep, then that’s still 16 hours and 50 minutes. What to do when there are no genetic anomalies to ? Now that Stephenie Meyer has stopped writing Twilight books, I have no tales of repressed, dramatic and traumatic teen love to get me through the day.
What do you suggest, gentle readers? As my number of followers pushes 45, I feel it is behoovy of me to start making out with strangers, getting in trouble, and giving you your money’s worth.
Wait, this blog is free.
Well then, consider my job done here.
Happy Monday!
PS: AAAAHHH! I just looked at my list of followers and saw that Daddy Dugan is now following a blacktress. For those of you who don’t know (i.e. all of you), Daddy Dugan is this guy I met on Friday night who seemed to be able to handle my truths. We got along swimmingly, and his ex-girlfriend is really pretty, making him much cooler by association. Do you think his following of my blog means that we’re going to be besties and braid each others’ hair and watch TEEN WITCH on Saturday nights? I hope so!
Speaking of TEEN WITCH, I will use any excuse to post a youtube clip from this film. Below, see one of the finest moments in film history (and a nod to my celibacy):
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A Black History Month Present From Me to You
My only problem with this is that I'm not in it.
(You all know how I feel about Harriet getting all the glory.)
(You all know how I feel about Harriet getting all the glory.)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
16 and Pregnant, Season 2, Episode 2
9:56 - Ugh, I am so tired. I really want to go to bed, but I feel like the world needs me...to LIVE BLOG THIS SHOW.
I also know that I'll be able to sleep much easier knowing that somewhere out there is a teenager ruining her life and the life of her unborn child. (Save me a seat in hell!)
J/K (Rowling) GUYS!!!
These little jokes are how I keep my energy up when I'm dragging.
9:59 - Here it comes!!! It's almost like I'm the one giving birth....to my own happiness.
10:00 - She's 15 and from Monroe, Michigan--near Detroit! Good Lawd, if she's near the D, there's no doubt this'll be a shit show. I mean, hello -- Nikkole?! Who spells it that way??
We open with her at 30 weeks.
She used the pull-out method. Sweet Jesus, it's 2010! There should be no accidental babies in 2010!
Her BF, Josh, broke up with her when she told him she was prego. Now her homegirls are telling her to stop
10:02 - Her mother's name is Rikki. She looks like she's wearing a Jessica Simpson wig. You know Jessica has her own line of wigs, right?
10:04 - First day of junior year!! It's basically a debutante ball for her preggers belly. I love that she's wearing a sweatshirt and basketball shorts. At least get some cute empire-waist tops, Nikkole.
(ugh, just typing her name is hard for me)
Josh was waiting in the parking lot after school - homey got expelled. Why does she want this trifling fool? He's going nowhere fast.
10:06 - I love how, at 15 years old, Josh is like, "I'm done being a kid, I have a baby on the way." Um, clown, you dumped her when she said she was knocked up. He looks very fresh-faced. I think he's just doing this to get some screen time -- homey wants to be on "One Tree Hill" and figures he can add "16 and Pregnant" to his weak resume.
10:10 - Skateboarding commercial. Apparently, skateboarding is now about bridging the gaps between the races.
10:11 - 31 weeks prego! Of course no one else wants her to be with Josh.
Josh is talking to his mom. "I have to face it like a man. It's gonna be hard. I'm still kinda young."
Kinda?! KINDA?! Boo, you're an embryo!
All these girls have too much product in their hair. Sidebar: one of her girls is named Nekitha - and she's WHITE!
She's naming the baby Lyle. What, does she expect him to be born 40 years old, chewing tobacco on a porch? I'm imaging a Benjamin Button.
10:14 -Doctor's Appointment.
Josh won't even hold her hand during the check-up! WTF!
"Any contractions?" Doctor asked. "Not that I know of," she replies.
Um, "not that you know of? I know you're not the brightest bulb, Nikkole, but I'd like to think you'd know if your uterine wall was ready to release a fetus.
10:18 - She goes over to Becca's house and hangs out with her and Sam. Suddenly she gets a call from Josh:
"Leave Becca's, go get five dollars, come to the football game."
What on earth does he need five dollars for? How much do you think crack costs in Michigan?
And why does she let him call her home girl a bitch? Nikkole is not only dumb, but spineless. At least Jenelle could yell at people.
10:20 - Prom dress shopping! ALas, Nikkole can't fit into anything, cause she's hefty.
Josh is rushing her to get the hell out of the store. He's so selfish and mean - he's even worse than Andrew (see last week's live blog).
Josh is saying that he'll be in the parking lot while she's at the party. He is so sketchy and creepy. HAVE HE ENROLLED IN ANOTHER SCHOOL???
10:26 - Homecoming time!
Nikkole actually looks really cute in her dress.
- The whole time she's at the dance, she's thinking about meeting Josh and wants to leave. She goes outside to meet him in the parking lot, and he's not there. When she calls, he HANGS UP ON HER!!!
- She calls him again and he says he can't hang out! WTF? Is he getting a degree in douchebaggery instead of a high school diploma?
- She goes home and chills with her 12-year-old bro, playing Rockband. It's kinda sweet, but also sad. She should have gone back inside and enjoyed the rest of homecoming!
10:28 - She talks to Josh the next day to express her emotions.
He's remarkably manipulative for a 16-year-old boy. She explains to him how it hurts her feelings for him to not do what he says he'll do, like he might not be able to take care of her with the baby. His response:
"That's retarded....um, because... Whatever, we're not talking about this. It's all about you you you, being selfish. This is why I broke up with you before."
Wow. I have no words.
10:30 - Doctor's suggesting they induce labor, and Nikkole's about to pack her bags.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK. AAAAHHHH, HOW WILL I HANDLE THE TENSION???]
10:35 - We're in the labor room. Nikkole's struggling a bit. When you induce, it can take longer.
Josh, his mom, and Nikkole's mom are in there with her. Josh tries to be sweet for a bit, and is taking pictures of her, but she's not lying still and feeling crappy.
"Are you tired?? Why? You've slept all day." I love how impatient and entitled Josh is. Who raised him?
"I think guys' pain tolerance is super higher than women's is." - Thanks, Josh, thanks for that negative-two cents.
Why can't Josh be put down, like a useless dog?
She's in terrible pain, and Josh just won't shut up.
He's yelling at Nikkole's mother, telling her not to talk to him. His mother tries to be firm with him, but he won't listen.
They are fighting over Nikkole as she writhes in pain, 12 hours into labor.
"Say she [her mother] trumps me, Nikkole, I want to hear you say it." - He's giving her a fucking ultimatum when she's got a baby coming out of her vag???
I want this boy dead. This tool makes the guy who texted me after a first date with, "Why haven't I fingered you yet" seem like a total saint.
10:39 - 27 hours into labor, NOW they want her to push?!
Oh my god, maybe it's a good thing I'll probably never get married. There's no way I could handle that.
The baby comes out, all cute and gooey. Poor thing--born into dysfunction.
10:40 - Josh looks like he's about to vomit.
He has to be told to give her a hug and kiss. Really? Really??
10: 43 - Baby's 1-day old!
Mom won't let Josh into their house, so she's going home solo.
Wow, I can't believe she can even get up and walk to the car a day after giving birth!
Ah, yes, now she mentions the pain.
And cue baby's first cry.
I love how Nikkole's so disgusted by the spit up. Do all the girls on this show think babies are just warm Cabbage Patch dolls?
10:44 - Her friend Frankie comes over.
(Nikkole seems to be very popular - she's had, like, 8 different friends on the episode)
[Note, scrolling across the screen: PRE-ORDER 16 AND PREGNANT ON DVD AT AMAZON.COM.... You know you want to.]
10:46 - Rikki is crying, recounting her feelings during the labor.
"It's really hard watching that," Rikki says, wiping away tears. God, can you imagine what it's like watching your child with an emotional abuser?
Is Nikkole such a doormat because of her absent father figure?
10:51 - Lyle's 2 Weeks Old
- Josh is STILL not allowed over at Nikkole's house.
- Now Nikkole wants them to meet and work things out.
"One of the things I don't like is that you're disrespectful to many people. To me, Nikkole, adults." - Rikki says this in a really calm, kind voice.
"That's just who I am.... I'm not going to change."
WOW. I seriously don't know how he's allowed to function in the world.
- Rikki wants to put her on lockdown, away from Josh.
10:53 - 5 weeks Old
- Nikkole's back in school. At least she tends to the baby and doesn't pawn it off on her mom, the way Jenelle did.
- I love that, despite multiple feedings in the middle of the night, Jenelle still wakes herself up early enough to flat-iron her hair.
- Nikkole found out Josh is seeing his ex girlfriend!!
Oh, thank you Black Jesus, get him out of this girl's life!!
(I've noticed we see know other men in this episode besides the doctor. Perhaps the reason these women tolerate Josh is because... there are no men in the town of Monroe!!! )
10:56 - Josh admits he's seeing someone else.
I love that she says it's not fair to her for him to see other girls, and he goes, "What's not fair????"
Do you think it's possible to be sociopathic and retarded at the same time?
10:57 - Nikkole tells mom that Josh broke up with her.
Christmas time with the family!
Rikki really is a good mom, even though her hair is a hot mess.
10:59 - Nikkole is back in her cheerleading uniform - holla at a body bounce-back!
Whew, guys, this really got my blood pressure up. I started off tired, but now I'm all riled. Let's see if the preview for next week can chill me out:
Valerie and Matt - Interracial love!
Oh no, baby medical problems!!!
Y'all, you know I'll be here next week, same time, same blog.
I also know that I'll be able to sleep much easier knowing that somewhere out there is a teenager ruining her life and the life of her unborn child. (Save me a seat in hell!)
J/K (Rowling) GUYS!!!
These little jokes are how I keep my energy up when I'm dragging.
9:59 - Here it comes!!! It's almost like I'm the one giving birth....to my own happiness.
10:00 - She's 15 and from Monroe, Michigan--near Detroit! Good Lawd, if she's near the D, there's no doubt this'll be a shit show. I mean, hello -- Nikkole?! Who spells it that way??
We open with her at 30 weeks.
She used the pull-out method. Sweet Jesus, it's 2010! There should be no accidental babies in 2010!
Her BF, Josh, broke up with her when she told him she was prego. Now her homegirls are telling her to stop
10:02 - Her mother's name is Rikki. She looks like she's wearing a Jessica Simpson wig. You know Jessica has her own line of wigs, right?
10:04 - First day of junior year!! It's basically a debutante ball for her preggers belly. I love that she's wearing a sweatshirt and basketball shorts. At least get some cute empire-waist tops, Nikkole.
(ugh, just typing her name is hard for me)
Josh was waiting in the parking lot after school - homey got expelled. Why does she want this trifling fool? He's going nowhere fast.
10:06 - I love how, at 15 years old, Josh is like, "I'm done being a kid, I have a baby on the way." Um, clown, you dumped her when she said she was knocked up. He looks very fresh-faced. I think he's just doing this to get some screen time -- homey wants to be on "One Tree Hill" and figures he can add "16 and Pregnant" to his weak resume.
10:10 - Skateboarding commercial. Apparently, skateboarding is now about bridging the gaps between the races.
10:11 - 31 weeks prego! Of course no one else wants her to be with Josh.
Josh is talking to his mom. "I have to face it like a man. It's gonna be hard. I'm still kinda young."
Kinda?! KINDA?! Boo, you're an embryo!
All these girls have too much product in their hair. Sidebar: one of her girls is named Nekitha - and she's WHITE!
She's naming the baby Lyle. What, does she expect him to be born 40 years old, chewing tobacco on a porch? I'm imaging a Benjamin Button.
10:14 -Doctor's Appointment.
Josh won't even hold her hand during the check-up! WTF!
"Any contractions?" Doctor asked. "Not that I know of," she replies.
Um, "not that you know of? I know you're not the brightest bulb, Nikkole, but I'd like to think you'd know if your uterine wall was ready to release a fetus.
10:18 - She goes over to Becca's house and hangs out with her and Sam. Suddenly she gets a call from Josh:
"Leave Becca's, go get five dollars, come to the football game."
What on earth does he need five dollars for? How much do you think crack costs in Michigan?
And why does she let him call her home girl a bitch? Nikkole is not only dumb, but spineless. At least Jenelle could yell at people.
10:20 - Prom dress shopping! ALas, Nikkole can't fit into anything, cause she's hefty.
Josh is rushing her to get the hell out of the store. He's so selfish and mean - he's even worse than Andrew (see last week's live blog).
Josh is saying that he'll be in the parking lot while she's at the party. He is so sketchy and creepy. HAVE HE ENROLLED IN ANOTHER SCHOOL???
10:26 - Homecoming time!
Nikkole actually looks really cute in her dress.
- The whole time she's at the dance, she's thinking about meeting Josh and wants to leave. She goes outside to meet him in the parking lot, and he's not there. When she calls, he HANGS UP ON HER!!!
- She calls him again and he says he can't hang out! WTF? Is he getting a degree in douchebaggery instead of a high school diploma?
- She goes home and chills with her 12-year-old bro, playing Rockband. It's kinda sweet, but also sad. She should have gone back inside and enjoyed the rest of homecoming!
10:28 - She talks to Josh the next day to express her emotions.
He's remarkably manipulative for a 16-year-old boy. She explains to him how it hurts her feelings for him to not do what he says he'll do, like he might not be able to take care of her with the baby. His response:
"That's retarded....um, because... Whatever, we're not talking about this. It's all about you you you, being selfish. This is why I broke up with you before."
Wow. I have no words.
10:30 - Doctor's suggesting they induce labor, and Nikkole's about to pack her bags.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK. AAAAHHHH, HOW WILL I HANDLE THE TENSION???]
10:35 - We're in the labor room. Nikkole's struggling a bit. When you induce, it can take longer.
Josh, his mom, and Nikkole's mom are in there with her. Josh tries to be sweet for a bit, and is taking pictures of her, but she's not lying still and feeling crappy.
"Are you tired?? Why? You've slept all day." I love how impatient and entitled Josh is. Who raised him?
"I think guys' pain tolerance is super higher than women's is." - Thanks, Josh, thanks for that negative-two cents.
Why can't Josh be put down, like a useless dog?
She's in terrible pain, and Josh just won't shut up.
He's yelling at Nikkole's mother, telling her not to talk to him. His mother tries to be firm with him, but he won't listen.
They are fighting over Nikkole as she writhes in pain, 12 hours into labor.
"Say she [her mother] trumps me, Nikkole, I want to hear you say it." - He's giving her a fucking ultimatum when she's got a baby coming out of her vag???
I want this boy dead. This tool makes the guy who texted me after a first date with, "Why haven't I fingered you yet" seem like a total saint.
10:39 - 27 hours into labor, NOW they want her to push?!
Oh my god, maybe it's a good thing I'll probably never get married. There's no way I could handle that.
The baby comes out, all cute and gooey. Poor thing--born into dysfunction.
10:40 - Josh looks like he's about to vomit.
He has to be told to give her a hug and kiss. Really? Really??
10: 43 - Baby's 1-day old!
Mom won't let Josh into their house, so she's going home solo.
Wow, I can't believe she can even get up and walk to the car a day after giving birth!
Ah, yes, now she mentions the pain.
And cue baby's first cry.
I love how Nikkole's so disgusted by the spit up. Do all the girls on this show think babies are just warm Cabbage Patch dolls?
10:44 - Her friend Frankie comes over.
(Nikkole seems to be very popular - she's had, like, 8 different friends on the episode)
[Note, scrolling across the screen: PRE-ORDER 16 AND PREGNANT ON DVD AT AMAZON.COM.... You know you want to.]
10:46 - Rikki is crying, recounting her feelings during the labor.
"It's really hard watching that," Rikki says, wiping away tears. God, can you imagine what it's like watching your child with an emotional abuser?
Is Nikkole such a doormat because of her absent father figure?
10:51 - Lyle's 2 Weeks Old
- Josh is STILL not allowed over at Nikkole's house.
- Now Nikkole wants them to meet and work things out.
"One of the things I don't like is that you're disrespectful to many people. To me, Nikkole, adults." - Rikki says this in a really calm, kind voice.
"That's just who I am.... I'm not going to change."
WOW. I seriously don't know how he's allowed to function in the world.
- Rikki wants to put her on lockdown, away from Josh.
10:53 - 5 weeks Old
- Nikkole's back in school. At least she tends to the baby and doesn't pawn it off on her mom, the way Jenelle did.
- I love that, despite multiple feedings in the middle of the night, Jenelle still wakes herself up early enough to flat-iron her hair.
- Nikkole found out Josh is seeing his ex girlfriend!!
Oh, thank you Black Jesus, get him out of this girl's life!!
(I've noticed we see know other men in this episode besides the doctor. Perhaps the reason these women tolerate Josh is because... there are no men in the town of Monroe!!! )
10:56 - Josh admits he's seeing someone else.
I love that she says it's not fair to her for him to see other girls, and he goes, "What's not fair????"
Do you think it's possible to be sociopathic and retarded at the same time?
10:57 - Nikkole tells mom that Josh broke up with her.
Christmas time with the family!
Rikki really is a good mom, even though her hair is a hot mess.
10:59 - Nikkole is back in her cheerleading uniform - holla at a body bounce-back!
Whew, guys, this really got my blood pressure up. I started off tired, but now I'm all riled. Let's see if the preview for next week can chill me out:
Valerie and Matt - Interracial love!
Oh no, baby medical problems!!!
Y'all, you know I'll be here next week, same time, same blog.
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