EYES OF A MURDERER

....and the voice of a demon.



Below you can see actor Chris Klein auditioning for a role in Mamma Mia!
Why is he so terrifying?
One friend described the moment when he launches into song as "bone-chilling."
I believe he is correct.



As with every hilarious video I share, thanks must go to KWalsh for bringing it to my attention.
The urge to watch this video came not only out of intense boredom at work, but because I needed something to get the image of "The Human Centipede" trailer out of my head.
I'd link you to it or embed it, but I can't do that to you--I love you all too much.
All I know is, after watching it I felt the urge to cry and desperately wanted my mommy.

Thank god Chris Klein's coked-out eyes and nails-on-chalkboard singing voice snapped me out of my horror-filled frenzy. Clearly, he's still reeling from the loss of Katie Holmes.

Well, with that, I am off to a rehearsal for CONVERSATIONS WITH DEB--LIVE AT UCB!!

You know Deb, y'all. I've been repping her blog from the get-go (check the blogroll). Well, she has far surpassed the blacktress with her own live show at Upright Citizens Brigade. Due to illness, Deb can't be in it, so this requires an additional player--cue blacktress, stage left. You know I'd never let down a Jewess in need, y'all! I play the gripping, complex role of "the narrator."

It's gonna be sweet--way sweeter than whatever the hell Chris Klein is trying to do. MAKE A RESERVATION, AND COME ON DOWN!

Conversations With Blacktress

Okay, I’m kind of freaking out right now. How am I just finding out today that Roger Ebert has a black wife? I’m a discredit to both my primary and secondary race – that of film scholars.
Have I been living in a cave????
I like to think that, as the world’s preeminent blacktress (“preeminent” means ‘popular among my friends,’ right?), I’ve got my finger on the pulse of American culture, especially film and television.
Apparently, if it’s not the tale of a genetic anomaly or a pregnant teen, I’m just as in the dark as my 93 ½ year old grandmother.

I give this coupling TWO THUMBS UP!

If I’d known about Ebert’s black wife, I would have certainly profiled her for BHM!!!

I think my favorite quote so far (as I scour the interwebs for news of their love), is this:

"One of the things I admire about Roger is that his ego and his intellect enjoy a challenge," she says. "He likes a woman of substance who is smart and has something to say."

In other words, Roger’s not afraid of a strong black woman!
I guess I need to start hitting up the nerdy, film-critic set to find a man who can go toe to toe with a blacktress.

This decision comes in the wake of a recent exchange I had on the streets of NYC. It was a page out of Conversations With Deb, so ridiculous that I couldn’t even believe it was happening to me. So embarrassing that I had to go home and eat a brownie right afterward. So tragic that I had to share it with you, gentle readers. Here goes:

Monday night, around 6:30pm, I'm walking down the street with my friend Danielle, talking about life.
Me: I'm never going to find a boyfriend.
Danielle (loudly): Yes you ARE!
Random Man Crossing the Street, smiling at Sojourner and Danielle: No you're not!!!

This man was not homeless. He was not visibly intoxicated. He actually kind of looked like a grown-up Harry Potter.

And yet he still knew.

My very own conversation with Deb

For anyone in a relationship who thinks the grass is greener, think again. For those males who wonder if women are really as analytical as we appear in the movies, here is your answer....

Me: Are you excited for your blind date? We still don't know what he looks like? is he jewish? [this is vital information for Deb, being a Jewess herself]
Deb: He's a jew
Me: ok, so you're already seeing him as marriage material
Deb: No idea what he looks like
Deb: But we talked on the phone
Me: i could never go on a date not knowing what someone looks like. I'm far too shallow. you are a brave little toaster, deb
Deb: And at the end of our phone chat he was like
I'm so glad we talked
Now I'm really excited for tuesday
Deb: And I called him a jerk and he laughed
So he gets me
Me: i like how you opened with an insult
it's a good way to separate the wheat from the LOSERS
Deb: Anyway now I'm excited too
I hope it works out
Cause I've already pictured out vineyard wedding.
Me: Of course.


I mean who hasn't envisioned a vineyard wedding with a person they haven't met solely based on a seemingly insignificant interaction?

For more Deb convos, all of which are much, much funnier than above, holla at her blog.

My New Favorite Blog: Conversations With Deb

So, you know how I'm really into gchatting and not actually interacting face-to-face, right?

Well, I'm kicking it on the G-chat like the G(angsta) that I am, and notice a friend's new status message. I love when the status messages are links to huffington post and NYTimes articles, cause I am forced to learn about things and form opinions.

I love it more when they are links to viral vids or other blogs, as this allows me to further my procrastination.

Well, nothing could be better on a Sunday morning than Conversations With Deb. A collection of real-life ridiculous conversations writer and comedian Deb has had over the years, with a diverse group of people, ranging from bad dates to crushes to none other than Price is Right host Bob Barker.

Please know that all these conversations are true. It makes the laughter so much louder.