Showing posts with label St. Croix. Show all posts
Showing posts with label St. Croix. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday Rhymes with Cray-Cray!
[KWalsh has just informed me that a newly single mutual friend has just joined Match.com]
Me: I am impressed by how quickly people rally. i just hate dating so much, i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Me: I am impressed by how quickly people rally. i just hate dating so much, i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
i just want a werewolf to have me imprinted on to him.*
and he'll just see me and take care of me forever until it's time for us to be wed.
KWalsh: hahahaha!
imprint me, werewolf!
i just wish old crusty men would stop hitting on me
Me: you're on pirate island. you can't get around the old and crusty
KWalsh: seriously! the fucking pirates here!
* for those of you who aren't 14-year-old girls or into vampires, this is a reference to Jacob Black, the werewolf hottie in the Twilight series.
^ This is a reference to X Men.
Clearly, if I was into 15-year-old boys, I wouldn't be single right now.
Me: you're on pirate island. you can't get around the old and crusty
KWalsh: seriously! the fucking pirates here!
last night at the restaurant where i work, i was waiting on a family i know
and they were like "we are so sorry about uncle donny"
because he kissed my hand twice, asked when we are going to get married and then said in 5 years i would be "prime"
this man has a long flowing mane of gray hair and a beard
and questionable dental hygiene
Me: Oh god!
[I then fill her in on the latest confusion surrounding the fact that I have not been asked on a date by someone who most certainly should have asked by now. I am advised to play it cool and give him the benefit of the doubt.]
Me: all I need to be happy in a relationship is for the guy to tell me exactly how he's feeling about me and what he's thinking at all times.
Me: Oh god!
[I then fill her in on the latest confusion surrounding the fact that I have not been asked on a date by someone who most certainly should have asked by now. I am advised to play it cool and give him the benefit of the doubt.]
Me: all I need to be happy in a relationship is for the guy to tell me exactly how he's feeling about me and what he's thinking at all times.
is that too much to ask for?
KWalsh: ha.
yes
yes
Me: See, the thing is, I like to believe I have mind-control powers, but sometimes they're faulty, requiring that the guy actually express himself, and that's when I get all frustrated. It's like I'm Professor X and he's Magneto wearing that helmet that blocks me.^
KWalsh: You have to relax and not be negative.
Me: What world do we live in where having a secret spring break fiance is even an option?
KWalsh: You have to relax and not be negative.
stop complaining!
Me: hahahaha
KWalsh: a boy likes you!
and he doesnt have a secret spring break fiance!
* for those of you who aren't 14-year-old girls or into vampires, this is a reference to Jacob Black, the werewolf hottie in the Twilight series.
^ This is a reference to X Men.
Clearly, if I was into 15-year-old boys, I wouldn't be single right now.
Monday, May 4, 2009
I am Kevin Bacon.
These recent months of travel have further solidified what I already knew to be true: the world is getting smaller and smaller by the day. With Facebook taking over the world, and people twittering and flitting about, maintaining relationships is easier than ever before.
It also makes it damn near impossible to erase someone from your memory. I've found that the people I want to keep in touch with seem to not understand how to respond to emails and don't want to use skype (::cough::REDHEAD::cough::), but the dude you drunk pashed a month ago conveniently remembers your last name, how to spell it, and makes sure to get enough internet time to friend you on the ol' facebook.
I was first caught off guard a week ago, when I got a friend request from the 21-year-old Canadian I met in Darwin. You know, the one I made out with simply because I was bored and wanted to get the Weasley twin out of my system (it didn't work). He was a nice enough fellow, but there was no point in getting attached, and there didn't seem to be much going on upstairs, so I walked away with no dramas, and expected him to disappear into the ether. He'd asked for my last name and plugged it into his mate's phone, but what are the odds that a barely legal random you'd interacted with for a total of 4 hours would actually follow through?
Apparently, quite high. I believe his first wall post was: "hey, didn't think i'd ever find u, ty took your last name out of the phone, dumb ass. but then i remember u did comedy and i u tubed you, funny story. where are u now?"
The internet will be the death of me!!! I keep forgetting that in some circles, telling someone you're a "blacktress" is quite memorable--especially when that person is from Saskatchewan.
Just when I was done marveling at the spinning tea cups that are our small world, I was dealt another shocking blow of connections this very morning. Here's the go:
As you know, I was in St. Croix last week and met a random--the one who looked like Duane 'The Rock' Johnson. Last night I put up a few photos on f-book--you know, to incite jealousy in friends. In the background of a few of these photos was The Rock. This morning I get the following message:
Hi Blacktress
I'm a friend of one of your friends, and when she asked me to view your comedy video in AUS I added you as a friend. Just happened to open my FB home page and in your vacation pics saw a picture of my brother THE ROCK--he lives and works in St. Croix.. hes visiting NY now, just had a laugh about how small the world is. When he gets back from visiting friends I'll have to tell him. He'll laugh.
Hope you enjoyed your vacation! - Belle
Oh. my. god. I am the black female Kevin Bacon.
So, I immediately logged on to facebook (a nasty habit that began when I living on the other side of the world), and Belle happens to be online. We immediately start chatting, and I tell her about the drunk kiss and the fact that her bro was blowing up my celly this weekend, even asking to come to the stand-up show I had Saturday night. I am hesitant to tell her that he seems like a total toolbox and completely not good for me....until she brings it up.
Our convo went something like this:
Belle: Oh my god, this is too funny. I wish I could tell [our mutual friend] right now. I'm always telling her what a loser my brother is.
Me: hahahhaa, oh no! oh sweet jesus, i am starting off my nyc single life on the wrong foot.
Belle: Seriously. They should put up flyers around St. Croix, "do not kiss this man."
Me: I will do it. I will return to Pirate Island and warn other wenches.
[later, after more man-related banter, including her venting about her bro, I break out the TRUTH]
Me: Your brother is--no offense, I say this as an astute woman of color and writer who has kissed him on the mouth--a selfish man-boy who thinks of no one but himself.
Belle: you are my new best friend, lol.
Because it takes people years to see that about him.
Okay, guys, let's break this down: when a dude's own sister not only tells you he sucks, but then allows you to talk shit about him, you know you've dodged a bullet. I mean, this is out of control.
But also wonderful.
I'm going to start putting up pics of every potential suitor on my facebook page nad see which of my internet friends knows the clown. I'm sure one of them is bound to have some inside information, corroborating or debunking my beliefs. So far, I'm glad I trusted my gut and didn't return The Rock's phone calls. If he can't even be nice enough to his sister so that she at least lies for him, then you know he wasn't going to bring a damn thing to the blacktress' potluck.
It also makes it damn near impossible to erase someone from your memory. I've found that the people I want to keep in touch with seem to not understand how to respond to emails and don't want to use skype (::cough::REDHEAD::cough::), but the dude you drunk pashed a month ago conveniently remembers your last name, how to spell it, and makes sure to get enough internet time to friend you on the ol' facebook.
I was first caught off guard a week ago, when I got a friend request from the 21-year-old Canadian I met in Darwin. You know, the one I made out with simply because I was bored and wanted to get the Weasley twin out of my system (it didn't work). He was a nice enough fellow, but there was no point in getting attached, and there didn't seem to be much going on upstairs, so I walked away with no dramas, and expected him to disappear into the ether. He'd asked for my last name and plugged it into his mate's phone, but what are the odds that a barely legal random you'd interacted with for a total of 4 hours would actually follow through?
Apparently, quite high. I believe his first wall post was: "hey, didn't think i'd ever find u, ty took your last name out of the phone, dumb ass. but then i remember u did comedy and i u tubed you, funny story. where are u now?"
The internet will be the death of me!!! I keep forgetting that in some circles, telling someone you're a "blacktress" is quite memorable--especially when that person is from Saskatchewan.
Just when I was done marveling at the spinning tea cups that are our small world, I was dealt another shocking blow of connections this very morning. Here's the go:
As you know, I was in St. Croix last week and met a random--the one who looked like Duane 'The Rock' Johnson. Last night I put up a few photos on f-book--you know, to incite jealousy in friends. In the background of a few of these photos was The Rock. This morning I get the following message:
Hi Blacktress
I'm a friend of one of your friends, and when she asked me to view your comedy video in AUS I added you as a friend. Just happened to open my FB home page and in your vacation pics saw a picture of my brother THE ROCK--he lives and works in St. Croix.. hes visiting NY now, just had a laugh about how small the world is. When he gets back from visiting friends I'll have to tell him. He'll laugh.
Hope you enjoyed your vacation! - Belle
Oh. my. god. I am the black female Kevin Bacon.
So, I immediately logged on to facebook (a nasty habit that began when I living on the other side of the world), and Belle happens to be online. We immediately start chatting, and I tell her about the drunk kiss and the fact that her bro was blowing up my celly this weekend, even asking to come to the stand-up show I had Saturday night. I am hesitant to tell her that he seems like a total toolbox and completely not good for me....until she brings it up.
Our convo went something like this:
Belle: Oh my god, this is too funny. I wish I could tell [our mutual friend] right now. I'm always telling her what a loser my brother is.
Me: hahahhaa, oh no! oh sweet jesus, i am starting off my nyc single life on the wrong foot.
Belle: Seriously. They should put up flyers around St. Croix, "do not kiss this man."
Me: I will do it. I will return to Pirate Island and warn other wenches.
[later, after more man-related banter, including her venting about her bro, I break out the TRUTH]
Me: Your brother is--no offense, I say this as an astute woman of color and writer who has kissed him on the mouth--a selfish man-boy who thinks of no one but himself.
Belle: you are my new best friend, lol.
Because it takes people years to see that about him.
Okay, guys, let's break this down: when a dude's own sister not only tells you he sucks, but then allows you to talk shit about him, you know you've dodged a bullet. I mean, this is out of control.
But also wonderful.
I'm going to start putting up pics of every potential suitor on my facebook page nad see which of my internet friends knows the clown. I'm sure one of them is bound to have some inside information, corroborating or debunking my beliefs. So far, I'm glad I trusted my gut and didn't return The Rock's phone calls. If he can't even be nice enough to his sister so that she at least lies for him, then you know he wasn't going to bring a damn thing to the blacktress' potluck.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
How Blacktress Got Her Groove Back
Whew, being at home for a week and doing nothing has really wiped me out. I mean, it's hard making a Qantum Leap, being socially awkward around people you haven't seen in 6 months, and trying not to throttle a mother who loves to butt into your life but seemed to have no interest in filing your taxes or at least filing for an extension on your behalf.
So I'm off to the St. Croix, in the US Virgin Islands, to visit my boo, KWalsh. We've been friends since uni, and I've waited 7 long years for this friendship to pay off in a trip to her island home. Finally I get to walk on sandy beaches, drink rum punch with an umbrella in it, and possibly mate with an angry young native boy.
You know, like Angela Bassett did.
So I'm off to the St. Croix, in the US Virgin Islands, to visit my boo, KWalsh. We've been friends since uni, and I've waited 7 long years for this friendship to pay off in a trip to her island home. Finally I get to walk on sandy beaches, drink rum punch with an umbrella in it, and possibly mate with an angry young native boy.
You know, like Angela Bassett did.
Blacktress Fun Fact: I think this is quite fitting because, at the age of 12, I auditioned for a role in the above film. No, not as Stella, but as her sassy niece who she takes with her on one of her island getaways. One of the lines from the screentest: "What, auntie Stella? [she says coyly] I didn't do nothin'."
I was playing a 12-year-old when I was actually 12, but due to my height and boobage, I was told looked too old for the part--but trust me, I had the sass down pat.
So now, as I head off to JFK for my island week, I hope to get my groove like Stella and the Emperor* combined.
*You're never too old for a Disney reference. Besides, after that hobbit photo, I've got nothing to lose.
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