My very own conversation with Deb

For anyone in a relationship who thinks the grass is greener, think again. For those males who wonder if women are really as analytical as we appear in the movies, here is your answer....

Me: Are you excited for your blind date? We still don't know what he looks like? is he jewish? [this is vital information for Deb, being a Jewess herself]
Deb: He's a jew
Me: ok, so you're already seeing him as marriage material
Deb: No idea what he looks like
Deb: But we talked on the phone
Me: i could never go on a date not knowing what someone looks like. I'm far too shallow. you are a brave little toaster, deb
Deb: And at the end of our phone chat he was like
I'm so glad we talked
Now I'm really excited for tuesday
Deb: And I called him a jerk and he laughed
So he gets me
Me: i like how you opened with an insult
it's a good way to separate the wheat from the LOSERS
Deb: Anyway now I'm excited too
I hope it works out
Cause I've already pictured out vineyard wedding.
Me: Of course.


I mean who hasn't envisioned a vineyard wedding with a person they haven't met solely based on a seemingly insignificant interaction?

For more Deb convos, all of which are much, much funnier than above, holla at her blog.

Oh the Thinks You Can Think (When You're Not Working)!!!

So I'm sitting here watching HANCOCK on Starz--you know, the one that came out last year with Will Smith and Charlize Theron, with a side of Jason Bateman thrown in? I saw it the first time with my mother and her latin lover, and we all agreed it was just "meh." However, one thing struck me (SPOILER ALERT!): HANCOCK is not simply an action film with a dose of humor thrown in. It's a cautionary tale against interracial love.

Seriously, this breaks my spirit, and hits home even harder after the death of MJ, who valiantly sang "if you're thinking of being my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white...."

In the movie, Will and Charlize both have special powers, and in a huge reveal, we discover they were made "as pairs. But the closer we get to each other, the more our powers diminish." They are, in essence, made weaker by being together. Their (interracial) love can never be!!!! The climax of the film involves Will leaping through the air as Charlize lies near death on a hospital bed. Only by getting farther and farther away from her does she survive her gunshot wounds. In the end, we see her with (WHITE) Jason Bateman, having their nuclear family of Caucasian love and acceptance.

Why would Hollywood do this to me? Why would Will do this to me? Charlize maybe has some South African issues, so who knows if it was this very message that drew her to the film (jk, guys, don't freak out!).

Why didn't anyone call this out earlier? I'm going to have to bring this to the attention of my peeps at CinemaBlend. Perhaps they can post a retroactive review.




Um, I have a lot of free time. Anyone want to sit on a rooftop bar and have engaging conversation?

Others' Shame Is My Joy. What, you think you're better than me?

Well, you probably are.

Being home is sometimes hard. My friends are getting married, engaged, getting PhDs, and generally making something of their lives. I, on the other hand, have some good stories to tell, but that doesn't seem to mean a damn thing in NYC. I also manage to meet a cool-but-possibly-crazy dude, and in the wonderfully bizarro fuckery that is my life, he has left today for two weeks in AUSTRALIA.
Knowing my luck, he will come back with a fiancee. And she will be someone I know.

Anyhoo, this means that sometimes I go down a shame spiral. A slippery, dark spiral of shame that is lubricated with my mistakes--you know, like making out with married businessmen from Missouri on a Sunday evening. I mean, it's the Lord's day, for fuck's sake! I need to get it together!

But going down shame spirals isn't proactive. And what I did learn from my Oz time is how to cope with emotions in healthy ways,. Often, this involves watching Buffy DVDs or Arrested Development. Lately, it's involved the interwebs. In an effort to keep my head right, I'm making a list of things that I can turn to in times of crisis. I think these things could also be helpful to you, too, gentle readers. So here, I post....

Things That Make Me Feel Better About Myself
aka
Proof that I am Wretched and Spiteful

- The website Texts from Last Night. There are alot of people who do stupid, gross things--grosser and stupider than anything I'd ever do, sober or drunk.
Take, for instance, this gem: "(610): She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it".
Poor Tiffany.....

There are others who took the words out of my very own texts:
"(479): okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
(501): ok you need to stop NOW"

-F My Life. I think we've all seen this one, but it NEVER gets old.

- Why The Fuck Do You Have A Kid? Cause, quite frankly, most people should not be allowed to spawn. This site was brought to my attention as a result of this post.

- MTV's show 16 and Pregnant.
No matter what happens, I will always be able to say that I'm NOT 16 and pregnant.
Note: sometimes this show will make you want to cry and vomit, as well as donate all your books to the uneducated.

-This youtube of teens freaking out of the trailer for the latest Twilight movie. At least I know I'm not this obsessed with the idea of a vampire boyfriend--although, to be fair, this clip was sent to me with the subject line: "Is this us?," so I very well could be.


I think my favorite is the young boy questioning his sexuality who says, "Ohmygod, Jasper has new hair!" in a breathy moan.

Blacktress Also Knows Good Food

You guys know how much I love to eat foodstuffs, right? Well, finally my tendency for sublimating emotions through food has come in handy in the form of restaurant reviews. Check out my contribution to Johnna Knows Good Food, a cool foodie blog written by a homegirl in DC that has giveaways, great recipes and bar and restaurant reviews. My review was of a great burger spot called Fergburger, located in Queenstown, New Zealand. My review is an excerpt from the still-in-progress Blackpacker Diaries, and I decided that even if I wasn't done, I had to spread the TRUTH about New Zealand burgers.

Seriously, I ate, like, 5 burgers in 2.5 days. It was gross--in a sexy, delicious way.

Awkward Moments

I thought structuring this as a film would really put you in the moment. I think it's also fitting because it's basically a deleted scene from 'He's Just Not That Into You.'

Interior, Bedroom. Night. Blacktress enters with a gentleman caller. She quickly removes items from her bed without turning on the light. Gentleman and Blacktress proceed to....um....physically express their emotions. Later, she turns on the light.
Close up on HER THIGHMASTER, which has been tossed onto the floor.

Gentleman Caller: Is that the Suzanne Sommers exercise thing?
Blacktress (trying to hide her embarrassment): Um, yes. Yes it is.
Gentleman Caller: Oh, that's cool. That means you work for your body. You probably appreciate my compliments then.



Thank you, Suzanne, for helping me create awkward moments.

The Day the Pop Music Died.

Um, Michael Jackson is very likely dead as I type this.

No, no, this is real. I just double-checked with TMZ, the gossip site that apparently has contacts at every major hospital and airport in LA and always knows when someone's ill or about to skip town. Here's the sobering news.

Wait, now CNN and LA Times say he's in a coma. I don't know what to believe. One news ticker even used the past tense, saying he was the King of Pop! I don't know if I can handle this!

I don't think I can live in a world without Michael Jackson.
I don't think I can even imagine a world without Michael Jackson.


He seems to have actually gotten enough. And now I'm sitting here, emotionally melting, like hot candle wax.
I need to know that I am not alone, that you are here with me. You and I must make a pact. We must bring salvation back. Where there is MJ, I'll be there.

I'm looking at the blacktress in the mirror, I'm asking her to change her ways, cause no message besides the death of Michael Jackson, could be any clearer.

I can only hope that he's still moon walking....with the man upstairs.

Sidebar: Does anyone else feel kinda bad for Farrah Fawcett? Homegirl got about 4 hours of attention and will now be eclipsed by the death of the biggest pop star in the world.

Harry Potter-- the Musical!!!!

This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Many thanks to JJSiii.

I think my obsession is rekindled.