Am I Bitter?

I was talking with a gal pal last night about her latest suitor, and we came up with some great insights that I think are worth sharing with you, gentle readers. Here's an excerpt from our late night jaw session.

Happy Friend in the Courtship Phase: get this-- the first time we made out he was extremely inebriated, and he said "we need to slow down, because i don't want you to think im just interested in you because im drunk. i respect you too much for that"

Me: WOW

that's amazing
[blacktress' note: the fact that I'm this impressed by what should be commonplace is quite telling, don't you think?]

HFitCP: i know

Me: he's a fucking unicorn

bag that shit

bag it

HFitCP: i KNOW

Me: mount it

lock it down
[of course, being such a nice man, she explains that he doesn't live in nyc, and she's heading off to the other side of the world for the next month, so there's that dash of drama...]
Me: ugh, it is so hard

you have to just enjoy it til you leave, and then push it out of your mind

there's a reason i call such men unicorns

HFitCP: yeah

Me: they cannot be found

they cannot be tamed
they are not of our world

they are the stuff of legends

Me: So, is he taller than you?

HFitCP: yup

he wears glasses

and he's one of the sweetest, most thoughtful guys ive known

Me: Oh, love it!

that's so great, boo

ugh, why can't he be in nyc?
oh, right, because nyc is where nice boys go to die and douchebags go to spawn

you know, the way gremlins spawned

HFitCP: yep

Me: don't get douchebags wet

or feed them after midnight

HFitCP: haha!

yeah, he'd never survive in nyc

HFitCP: god, nyc really is a shit hole

Me: it's so crazy, cause think of HOW MANY there are! You'd think, with the sheer number of men, there'd be enough good ones for us to catch. Alas, no.

and then you hear about friends in relationships, and you get this spark of hope

but that spark, when combined with the harsh winds of rejection and the dry heat of celibacy, only causes a forest fire in your soul*

that can't be put out

HFitCP: i know it, girl.

its miserable.

*Earlier in the day I watched 'When Weather Changed History' on The Weather Channel. FUN FACT: Did you know the three factors that lead to a forest fire are harsh winds, dry heat, and dead vegetation?

Happy Lovers Day-- Negro Lovers, That Is!!!

Yeah, that's how I feel about this "holiday."Sorry to get all “angry black woman” on y’all, but I just don’t think there’s any point in Valentine’s Day. If you’re with someone, you should be good to them all the time, and all V-day does is allow everyday establishments to raise prices on goods and services as well as decorate their areas a hideous pink-and-red combination—which is flattering on no one.

Today is a day for celebrating one’s significant other, right? Well, I’ve decided I will celebrate myself, for I am quite the significant… other--get it?! Oh, my pseudo-intellectual race jokes are the best!!

Anyway, let’s get back to why black people are so great, shall we? Here’s a quick list.

Reasons I Love Black People

- We use wash cloths
- We have created a hip hop culture which has given suburban white males a means of channeling their misplaced anger at their parents for such atrocities as Little League, SAT Prep, and music lessons.
- The women of the race give white men something to fetishize.
- Without black people, Duane Reade would have no employees.
- Drag queens would have never learned to be so sassy!
- Gay men would have never had anyone to come out to, if not for the SBW—strong black woman.
- We may not have built this city on rock and roll, but we built this country on…slavery. I think we all know who won in that chapter of history.

So, on this day of both lovers and Negroes, and I’ve decided that my true love is none other than Sojo herself. And, unlike a man, I won’t oppress myself, I won’t hook up with myself and not call, and I will make sense in all my speech and only speak TRUTH.

God, it’s good to be me.

Sojo's Sadness.... Turns to Anger!

THIS POST HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN DUE TO INTERNATIONAL DRAMA.