I Can't Handle This Man

I was alerted to this video by one of my main gays, and as I watched with my mouth hung open, I realized I had to share this with you, my favorite people. The man in this video is an "ex-homosexual," and he would like to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. Please, listen in:



In addition to being terrified by his intense misinformation and narrow mindedness (being gay has to do with being "fatherless"?), I have a few thoughts:

1. Note the soul patch. Ew.
2. One word: ASCOT! Unless you are Freddie from Scooby Doo, you cannot rock that look. If you're not stopping Old Man Withers from ruining the amusement park, you need to let your neck show.
3. Around minute 3, you can hear him snap his fingers. I'm sorry, but you are not free of the "gangrene" if you're still snapping for emphasis, my friend.
4. I love when he says his wife is "9 months pregnant"--I think he just pulled what little he knows about women's bodies out of the ether. Like, "see how straight I am--she's 9 MONTHS PREGNANT. LIKE, REALLY PREGNANT. LIKE, SPERM HAS BEEN INSIDE HER A LONG TIME."
5. He was "celebrated" in the Castro? For what? For having a man? Where's my parade float?!
6. If I'm ever sleeping with a man and he screams "JESUS!!!" intensely, and begins thanking our Lord and Savior, I'm going to have to "call a spade a spade" and kick his ass to the curb. I mean, Sojourner may be good, but I'm not that good.
7. Is that a red velour jacket?


I have no problem with religion or Christians, but if this isn't throwing stones in a glass house, child, I don't know what is.

I bet he watches "New Moon" three times a day just to see shirtless Taylor Lautner.