Blacktress' Log, Star Date 12/2/2008.
It's about 2pm Tuesday afternoon--or 1400 hours for those on military time. I woke up about an hour ago, still fatigued from my first full shift as a bartendress.
Yes, the blacktress is earning her keep! Last week I applied for work at a bar near the city center that's popular with the foreign/backpacker crowd. It was a weird process, as the boss was very flaky and much of my hiring was due to me calling him and him making a last-minute decision. For example:
After an interview last Tuesday, he said he'd call me the next day to set up a trial shift. This means he wanted me to come in and work. He wanted to see me--this is fact. So, Wednesday comes and I get no phone call.
Thursday comes and goes, no phone call.
Finally, sick of the waiting game, I call him up on Friday at 2pm to see what the deal is.
Manager: "Hey, how are you going? Actually, someone canceled their trial, so can you come in at 6pm tonight?"
Cut to me, four hours later, standing behind the bar like I know what's up.
At the end of that shift, he says he'll slot me in for Monday, and let me know the exact time.
Yesterday, at 1pm, I'm calling him and getting NO ANSWER, as I wonder when my shift is. He then TEXTS me an hour later, telling me to come in at 10pm.
I thought working on a Monday would be a nice way to ease me in to the process, for where I come from, Mondays aren't usually poppin'.
Clearly (and as the night would go on to prove), I was an idiot. I keep forgetting that being on the other side of the world, things are opposite of what they'd be in the land Up Over. The thing is, backpackers are on vacation, so every night's a party night. They are in it to win it and will not stop until they can't feel their face and are making out with a dude from Croatia.
The place was packed and in full swing, and I pretty much got behind the bar and hit he ground running. I was instantly overwhelmed and confused, unable to understand many of the foreign accents and needing things repeated over and over. Luckily, I was told to shadow Laura, a really nice English girl who was super fast and knew the way backwards and forwards. Having been awake since 4am and in a state of stress and panic all day, I wasn't as sharp as I should have been, and also have a lot to learn.
This is what happens when you lie on your resume.
I realized that I don't like serving girls, or guys with groups of girls, because they always order complicated things and are quick to give a female bartender an attitude. This is especially frustrating when said female bartender is new and has no idea what the customer is talking about. For instance, when someone says:
"Hey, can I get two QF shots?"
What the fuck is a QF shot?!
I repeated her order with my confusion obvious, and she looked at me like I was a retarded, three-headed hydra. And I'm thinking, "Oh, what bitch, you're so fucking cool you have to abbreviate everything and expect me to read your mind?"
A "QF shot" is a Quick Fuck shot-- a combination of (wait, let me see if I can get this right) Midori, Kahlua, and Baileys. I'd never heard of it, it looks as disgusting as it sounds, and it's all the rage with the English.
Have you ever heard of Vodka Raspberry? It's vodka with raspberry cordial. Never heard of it before yesterday, and it looks pretty narsty. However, it's quite popular. I'm also supposed to know that when someone orders vodka-raspberry, I am to add lemon soda to it--even if they don't say it!
Oh, and what about "white wine with lemonade"? Well, by lemonade, these crazy foreigners mean "lemon soda" -- but do NOT think this means 7-Up or Sprite. No siree, those are sweeter, lime-flavored, and do not count.
Do see what I'm up against?
Guys, I just want to meet people and enable addictions-- am I asking for too much?
I had grand illusions of working in a nice, local pub where I'd get to chat with kindly people--preferably during the early hours, which would enable me to have a social life. Alas, I'm on the 10p-3a shift, getting yelled at by strangers who are lined up four-deep for jager bombs.
On the plus side, the other girls I work with are pretty nice, and helped me out. I tried to look to them for inspiration, especially my dear Laura. I asked her how long she'd worked here, and was pleased to hear her say she'd only been here two months. Maybe it'll take time, I thought. She's so good in two months, maybe I'll get there quickly, as well.
"Have you worked in a bar before?" I asked her, hoping she'd say no.
"My parents own a pub in England, so I've been in pubs my whole life."
Well, there goes my inspiration. Laura's been up in the pub since she was 11, which is of course why she makes serving 10 people at a time look so effortless.
My ego is further crushed when I learn that Laura is only eighteen years old. In fact, all the girls on duty last night were under 21. And they're just slinging and mixing like some fucking Coyote Ugly extras, while I'm standing around wondering what the hell is in a "Norwegian Sock Jug."
I got home at 3:30 am last night, my shoes soaked through with dirty soap-water, and my jeans wet up to my knees. I smelled of beer and insecurity, and couldn't wait to shower. It's now 3:15pm, and I've got less than 7 hours before I have to get out there and do it again.
Um, how badly would you guys judge me if I quit?
6 comments:
Ohhh don't quit yet! You've heard about how I bartended at the tender age of 17 in Guatemala when the worst I'd ever had was maybe a beer that I couldn't finish? My first night on the job, I glared at everyone in the bar. My third night on the job, I got drunk for the first time, and narrowly avoided going on a boat with a bunch of sketchy dudes to Belize? It's a long story, but the end of it was that the first days were miserable (like being told that you always pour tequila where the drinker can see it) (also like pouring someone baileys when he'd asked for johnny walker black) (how was I supposed to know???) but it got fun once I had some idea of what I was doing.
Get a little handbook of popular drinks, and laugh at girls ordering shitty drinks. You're awesome!
-N
yeah, you gotta stick it out, it'll get better as there are fewer drinks you've never heard of. maybe you can have a little white board and for those with especially bad accents (for instance, the scots. just saying) you just hand it over..? I think I would do that. "I'm sorry, you're talking like you have a roll of quarters in your mouth and/or you just downed some hydrochloric acid, you're gonna have to write that ish down. thanks, you're a doll, and here are directions to a speech therapist"
oh my god, this reminds me of my first shift at a tourist bar in leicester square at 18.... they had something called a "purple turtle" which involved 5 different ingredients, and the spanish guy training me kept saying "puppututttuhh" so i had NO frickin clue what was going on. took me about a week and a half to get into the swing of things, and then i was lining up 20 B-52's at a time without messin up the layers!
you can totally do it--i have full faith in you. and you can use your impeccable wit to subtly chide their bizarre drinking habits! throw a little sass their way! they'll love it. who actually orders a Quick Fuck anyway? who are these people? they must not be taken seriously! I guarantee you will be expert bartender in a week.
Don't let those nonsensical fools get you down girl- a QF shot is not intuitive ( I have never heard anyone in England order that). I'm cheering for you- bust through it soldier!
Oh boo. I won't judge you if you quit. Quitting is the great American past-time.
Srsly, though, I would keep the job just for access to the booze. So there's that.
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