Being a New Yorker with internet, I feel it is my duty to blog/ride the information superhighway for as long as possible so that I please the wi-fi gods and they don't take it away from me. With that, I offer you a truthy video from one of my idols, Joss Whedon. As he cleans up the kitchen after scrambling up some eggs in sunny California, he gives us some information we can all take to heart. Or maybe it just resonates with me because I watched "Walking Dead" a couple hours ago.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Re-opening My Heart Space
Oh my god, guys, I've missed you so deeply. I got to the plantation this morning and every fiber of my being said BLOG! BLOG NOW FOR THE WORLD AND YOUR SOUL!!!
(yes, even my blood vessels are dramatic)
I'd been thinking about returning to blogging for a while, but it wasn't until I hosted a show on Saturday night that I realized it might have to happen. One of the other performers told me that she'd been reading my blog since we met and she'd noticed I dropped off. "All that's left is the caucasian candy coating," she said, referring to my previous post about that Angela Bassett of a news anchor. You know my fragile ego loves the support,* and there have been so many happenings that have begged for bloggery. But before I re-open my heartspace, let me explain what's been holding me back--I feel I owe you that much.
Over the last month my fellow coworkers and I have been transferred to another plantation and it's been an awkward, tense, and cumbersome process. Between being advised to keep big corporate happenings private and not knowing where things stand with the employees who were let go, I was scared to bring attention to myself and my musings (which are mostly that this new company is a shady hot mess). I somehow managed to avoid the first round of layoffs and I'm not about to tempt fate!
As you know, Jewboo and I have been cohabiting for nigh on six months now. Of course, this has been chock-full of miscommunications, frustrations, and neuroses displayed in a multitude of healthy and unhealthy ways. As with all my big emotions, blogging about them helps me sort through it. I've discovered that it works like this: if I can make it a joke, then it's not that deep. It's good to get that kind of perspective. But when you have a sensitive live-in lover who's loyal enough to put your blog in his RSS feed, you've got to scale back. So I've mostly been releasing my emotions on stage, which is both freeing and protecting me from my lover's anger (as long as there are no cameras up in the club!!!).
But I've moved past all of these fears. As we move into the holidays and my 29th birthday; as you, my gentle reader-friends, begin to lock down your winter spoons; and as this country's racism goes from latent to blatant with the fear surrounding this year's election, I cannot be silent! A blacktress must re-emerge and share tenderly. I will open the cage in which the bird sings and help her form an a cappella group with other caged birds called "Maya Ange-Doo Wop."
I miss you. I heart you. Let's hang out.
*my ego is a drag queen named Sandy Black Nasta
(yes, even my blood vessels are dramatic)
I'd been thinking about returning to blogging for a while, but it wasn't until I hosted a show on Saturday night that I realized it might have to happen. One of the other performers told me that she'd been reading my blog since we met and she'd noticed I dropped off. "All that's left is the caucasian candy coating," she said, referring to my previous post about that Angela Bassett of a news anchor. You know my fragile ego loves the support,* and there have been so many happenings that have begged for bloggery. But before I re-open my heartspace, let me explain what's been holding me back--I feel I owe you that much.
Over the last month my fellow coworkers and I have been transferred to another plantation and it's been an awkward, tense, and cumbersome process. Between being advised to keep big corporate happenings private and not knowing where things stand with the employees who were let go, I was scared to bring attention to myself and my musings (which are mostly that this new company is a shady hot mess). I somehow managed to avoid the first round of layoffs and I'm not about to tempt fate!
As you know, Jewboo and I have been cohabiting for nigh on six months now. Of course, this has been chock-full of miscommunications, frustrations, and neuroses displayed in a multitude of healthy and unhealthy ways. As with all my big emotions, blogging about them helps me sort through it. I've discovered that it works like this: if I can make it a joke, then it's not that deep. It's good to get that kind of perspective. But when you have a sensitive live-in lover who's loyal enough to put your blog in his RSS feed, you've got to scale back. So I've mostly been releasing my emotions on stage, which is both freeing and protecting me from my lover's anger (as long as there are no cameras up in the club!!!).
But I've moved past all of these fears. As we move into the holidays and my 29th birthday; as you, my gentle reader-friends, begin to lock down your winter spoons; and as this country's racism goes from latent to blatant with the fear surrounding this year's election, I cannot be silent! A blacktress must re-emerge and share tenderly. I will open the cage in which the bird sings and help her form an a cappella group with other caged birds called "Maya Ange-Doo Wop."
I miss you. I heart you. Let's hang out.
*my ego is a drag queen named Sandy Black Nasta
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A Strong Black Woman in a Caucasian Candy Coating
This actually brought tears to my eyes. You know, the happy ones that come after watching Stand and Deliver.
This woman is my patronus.
This woman is my patronus.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Rejected Onion Headlines
I have a secret double life. In it I write headlines for the hilarious satire publication The Onion.
I would like to share some of them with you now.
Local Woman Vows to Start Diet on Monday, Pending Any Offhanded Suggestions That She "Live a Little" or is "Worth it."
APPLE RELEASES iPHONE 4.5, CUSTOMERS CAN’T SYNC THEIR iTUNES.
MOVIE THEATER CHAIRS GO ON STRIKE - CLINT EASTWOOD’S NEW FILM MAKES -$40,000,000 OPENING WEEKEND
2012 Paralympics Coverage Bumped for "The New Normal" Pilot
Local Woman Quits Job to Wait for the Debut of Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte
High School Senior Visits College, Realizes Van Wilder Isn't Real
Local Man Relieved to Learn That His Credit Score is the Same as His Age.
He is 26.
I would like to share some of them with you now.
Local Woman Vows to Start Diet on Monday, Pending Any Offhanded Suggestions That She "Live a Little" or is "Worth it."
APPLE RELEASES iPHONE 4.5, CUSTOMERS CAN’T SYNC THEIR iTUNES.
MOVIE THEATER CHAIRS GO ON STRIKE - CLINT EASTWOOD’S NEW FILM MAKES -$40,000,000 OPENING WEEKEND
2012 Paralympics Coverage Bumped for "The New Normal" Pilot
Local Woman Quits Job to Wait for the Debut of Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte
High School Senior Visits College, Realizes Van Wilder Isn't Real
Local Man Relieved to Learn That His Credit Score is the Same as His Age.
He is 26.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Search Herstory
Happy Friday, friends!
Living with Jewboo is going pretty well, considering I'm an only child who needs complete quiet in order to fall asleep and he's a neurotic workaholic. It's good having someone to share responsibilities with and look to for support. And have an extra computer to use. My laziness seems to know no bounds and when his computer is right there, all on the desk and easy to use, I don't want to lug my laptop to various areas of the house.
Unfortunately, this also means Jewboo has access to the myriad of useless things that occupy my mind on a daily basis. Below are a list of things I've recently looked into on the information super highway. As I write this list and share it with the blogsphere, I release the shame and embarrassment that comes with it. Thank you for bearing witness to my recovery.
Living with Jewboo is going pretty well, considering I'm an only child who needs complete quiet in order to fall asleep and he's a neurotic workaholic. It's good having someone to share responsibilities with and look to for support. And have an extra computer to use. My laziness seems to know no bounds and when his computer is right there, all on the desk and easy to use, I don't want to lug my laptop to various areas of the house.
Unfortunately, this also means Jewboo has access to the myriad of useless things that occupy my mind on a daily basis. Below are a list of things I've recently looked into on the information super highway. As I write this list and share it with the blogsphere, I release the shame and embarrassment that comes with it. Thank you for bearing witness to my recovery.
Things I Have Recently Googled
- comedy festivals 2013, submissions open
- comedy managers
- how many calories burned by [insert a range of everyday actions here]
- best rueben sandwiches, nyc
- how to make corned beef (clearly, I was trying to empower myself)
- large pores in forehead cause excessive sweating?
- coupons Almond Breeze Almond Milk
- [My own name]
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Academically Profiling
Hey gang!
What's the haps? I've been trying to live my dreams but it's a slow-going process.
My latest plan: getting on the ol' college-performing circuit. Can you imagine me bringing my stand-up and portmanteaus to institutes of higher education?
I'd like to be their Sister Mary Clarence, telling them the sassy truths they don't expect to hear and helping them find their voice.
I've written a one-sheet to start peddling to various schools but it's crucial that I focus my efforts. As a blacktress with a Jewboo and a penchant for TMI, there are a myriad of ways I could market myself: Part of the diversity initiative? The best show for Women's History Month? What about a simple B(l)ack to School Special? Where do I fit in? It's just like freshman year all over again! Before I start getting cray, I'm picking a fistful of nearby schools and working outward.
As I look through the lists of Northeast colleges and universities, I find myself judging with the swiftness and hastiness of a member of the NYPD. Other than location (will I do well in racist Boston?), I'm looking at cross-section of graduates. Will a school with 47% of students enrolled in the engineering program be able to handle my truths? What about a place where all the campus photos show students wearing sweaters around their necks? I don't want to be the nerd in an 80s movie surrounded by a bunch of Biffs and Steffs!
If you happen to be reading this and are or ever were a college student, let me know where you think I'd be able to work it. Leave a comment or email me at madblacktress[at]gmail[dot]com. Like a hobo or a deluded scamp, I'm willing to work for food....and I will eat like it's my job.
My latest plan: getting on the ol' college-performing circuit. Can you imagine me bringing my stand-up and portmanteaus to institutes of higher education?
I'd like to be their Sister Mary Clarence, telling them the sassy truths they don't expect to hear and helping them find their voice.
I've written a one-sheet to start peddling to various schools but it's crucial that I focus my efforts. As a blacktress with a Jewboo and a penchant for TMI, there are a myriad of ways I could market myself: Part of the diversity initiative? The best show for Women's History Month? What about a simple B(l)ack to School Special? Where do I fit in? It's just like freshman year all over again! Before I start getting cray, I'm picking a fistful of nearby schools and working outward.
As I look through the lists of Northeast colleges and universities, I find myself judging with the swiftness and hastiness of a member of the NYPD. Other than location (will I do well in racist Boston?), I'm looking at cross-section of graduates. Will a school with 47% of students enrolled in the engineering program be able to handle my truths? What about a place where all the campus photos show students wearing sweaters around their necks? I don't want to be the nerd in an 80s movie surrounded by a bunch of Biffs and Steffs!
If you happen to be reading this and are or ever were a college student, let me know where you think I'd be able to work it. Leave a comment or email me at madblacktress[at]gmail[dot]com. Like a hobo or a deluded scamp, I'm willing to work for food....and I will eat like it's my job.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Are You There, Michelle? It's Me, Blacktress.
Chills, chills, chills. I can't even cope. She's brilliant.
Sidebar: I would like to start a kickstarter campaign to have dinner with the Obama family. He can help me strategize friendships and we'll talk about what ain't right!
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