Practicing What I Preach

I am really proud of myself today guys. I honestly, directly, and respectfully told a bloke I'd gone a few dates with that I was not interested.
This is a first.

Usually, I just punk out and stop calling, or make up excuses until he gets the picture. In the worst cases, I keep dating the fool because I think a) I have no right to look a gift horse in the mouth or b) I have nothing better to do, so why not eat some thai food and maybe have some sex?
(See most previous blog entries for proof of this thinking at work.)

But I'm about breaking old habits. I didn't rearrange my life in a new land just to make the same old mistakes. I am, like, 46-year-old high school freshman Jerri Blank, turning my life around. This time, when I make the same mistakes, I'm gonna doing it for all the right reasons.

Who is this bloke, blacktress? you may be wondering. Well, remember my brief mention of an encounter in a kebab shop on the eve of my birthday? That's the one. We went out on three dates, on the second of which he brought me a BOUQUET OF LILIES.
I knew right then that this was too much.
He's 27, an engineer, and very nice. But he's also short and dull as dishwater--the latter being way more important than the former. He also doesn't know me very well, so I find his intensity suspect.

I've had work at the craphole every night this week, giving me no time to hang out with him or anyone else. While I knew we could perhaps go to dinner before one of my 10pm shifts, I didn't really think a good meal was worth the inevitable post-dinner make-out session that would have to take place. I initially thought my busy schedule would allow things to fizzle naturally, as it had been only three dates, and in the early courtship phase, it's important to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, I felt a bit weird "calling it off" in a formal manner when it had only been 3 dates--wouldn't that seem like I was the one making things intense? He's also super laid-back (you know, true Aussie style), so I didn't think he'd be all up in my face or too broken up about us not seeing each other.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was at work last night, a line 5-deep in front of me, pouring beers like a machine, and look over and see HIM STANDING THERE.

In the words of Whitney Houston, Oh hell to the no!!! He had the nerve to come to my place of employment-- univited and unannounced-- and then push me to make lunch plans for today. This is not what the blacktress wants! When I saw him I was furious, so angry that it even surprised me. I mean, after all, it's nice to be wanted. And he's a nice guy who seems to enjoy my company. Why am I so put off by his interest?

Basically, I'm in a survival mode, and just getting through each day down under is a struggle. Factor in a 5:15am bed time, a need for 8 hours sleep, some personal time, and maybe even grocery shopping before I head back down to the bar and do it again, and a guy just doesn't fit in. And to keep pushing for me to hang out makes me feel put on the spot in a way that doesn't respect my own choice. If I want to see someone, I will make an effort. Give me the time to do so, and then see if I'm even worth the bouquet. I mean, I know that if the guy isn't even bringing anything to the potluck, I will not keep inviting him over. Clearly, he wants a girlfriend, which means he should stop wasting his time with me and go find a boring small girl who will love being driven in his car and will put all his flowers in vases and kiss him with delight when he comes to her job. In the words of 3LW, No, I'm not the one.

It's funny. I can suddenly cut a guy off now, with no fanfare and with complete certainty, whereas back home I'd settle for any Tom, Dick, or Harry. I've got no one here, but back home I had friends and options for a Saturday night, and no need to sit with so-and-so when I could be hanging out with people I care about. Here, I've got about 5 good acquaintances and don't see much of anyone. But, you know, better late than never.

I called him up about an hour ago, as I said we'd make plans for lunch then (just to get him the hell out of my building). I told him I didn't think we should see each other in a dating capacity. He asked why. I said it seemed he wanted more than I did.
"Okay, all right," he said.

Awkward phone hang up, and we were done. It took less than two minutes.

Note that I didn't say I wanted to be friends. Quite frankly, whether we're dating or not, he's still boring. And, as I've learned with all this alone time, I can be bored all by myself--at least then I don't have to worry about entertaining or trying to pry personal tidbits out of my companion like a cat burglar trying to open a safe.

I think I've finally found the perfect description for Sydney. Sydney's sort of like the hot-but-dumb older sister who isn't mean-spirited, so she gets to skate by on her looks. But, you know, she doesn't really have all that much going on upstairs. Do you know what I mean? While I left NYC because it was too intense, with it's "who are you? what are you making of yourself?" attitude, I definitely didn't come to Sydney for a non-stop, drunken party (that's what college and the first two years out are for). So, you know, now I've got to find ways to get myself inspired and active--and that doesn't include dating someone just cause they're there and happen to have a car and good taste in foliage.

I feel much better now that I made the call. I also feel like it wasn't so bad, and perhaps now I can stop being immature and create good karma by being up-front with people. Lord knows I've spent way too much time wondering why I wasn't called back. (See possible answers here.)