Re: Your Ad Seeking a Shared Apartment

Here's an email I got in reply to my ad on gumtree.com.au (Ozzie Craigslist, basically):

The home is under 3 years of construcion. We have each convenience that you could always wish. We have a friendly community of neighbors. Portions of activities such as passages, bingo, klutch of the coffee, divided groups that roll and for every holiday. The restaurants, supermarket, the post office and the warehouses are within distance that walks. But now I am on a christain mission in west african and thats the main reason for which we are looking forward to give out this apartment for rent for $150 every week to a family who can take good care of our house as his own I will like to solicit for your absoulute maintenance. and also please fill in the rent details and get back if you are really interested in having our apartment so that i can know all about you before giving you the address as soon as you fill the form i will get back to you with the address of the house.

Looking forward to hear from you with all this details so that i can have it in my file incase of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you.Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the keys to you, please am giving you all this base on trust and again i will want you to stick to your words, you know that, we do not see yet and only putting everything into Gods hand, so please do not let me down in this my property and God bless you more as you do this,

Best Regards.
Yours Faithfully

Who is this "Yours Faithfully"? Does he/she/ze have a real name?
And "the warehouses are within distances that walks"? What does that mean?
How about, "Portions of activities such as passages, bingo, klutch of the coffee, divided groups that roll and for every holiday."

Dude, this is why apartment hunting is so tough. Religious missionaries who speak ESL demand your bank details for their "files," and the next thing you know, the blacktress is turning tricks at the base of Uluru to pay for her hostel fee.