What a Difference a Gay Makes

Hey friends,

I come to you tonight blogging about an ice cream cone I had today.
Yes, an ice cream cone.
An ice cream cone so delicious, so decadent, so... fierce, that I have to share it with you all.

I got word that the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck was parking near the plantation today, and I made it my job (you know, one I like) to be there. I'd never been to the truck, but I'd heard and read about it. I figured with the right to marry, the New York truck would be in top form.

The Big Gay Ice Cream Twitter verified their location (just 4 blocks from me), and said "something's going to happen" at around 3pm. I disregarded that--although I secretly hoped it would be a free ice cream giveaway. When I got there at 2:50, the line was surprisingly short and moved relatively quickly. About 10 minutes into my wait, a tall man in sunglasses, followed by three cameramen, walked up and took a spot at the back of the line.

My first thought was, "this must be some sort of ice cream flash mob." Clearly I don't really know what a flash mob entails.

When I got up to the front, I was immediately overly familiar (natch), assuming that, as a young, gay, ice-cream-making entrepreneur, Doug Quint already understands that he's my spirit animal and remembers me from a previous life.

"What's with the paps?" I asked regarding the cameramen. "I feel like Suri Cruise!"
I don't know why I said that. Gay visionaries make me nervous.

After perusing the menu (who are we kidding? I memorized the menu on the website before I rolled up), I chose the Monday Sundae. Guys, let me break this ice cream cone down for you:
1. You take a waffle cone and line it with Nutella.
2. Inside this Nutella-lined cone, you squeeze in some chocolate-vanilla-swirl soft serve. (you know even my desserts are interracial!)
3. You then top this swirl with ribbons of dulce de leche.
4. Then, to be really classy, you sprinkle just a hint of sea salt on top of that.
5. AND THEN apply a whipped cream halo. [get your mind out of the gutter!]

I think you need a visual:
And, if you're a real glutton like me, you ask for graham cracker crumbles on top.

In my defense, I'm not a fan of dulce de leche, so I asked if I could substitute for grahams.
"Mmmmmm....no," said Doug after a moment's pause. "How about you have it the way it's made and I'll put graham cracker crumbs on top?"
I know better than to argue with an elite gay visionary. And I'm so glad I didn't--that dulce de leche was the shizz. I'm officially calling it dulce de lechheeeeeyyyyyy !!!!

I try to hang back and see what the cameras are about to catch. Turns out the "tall guy in sunglasses" was none other than top chef, TV star, author, and food critic/writer Anthony Bourdain.

Now, I don't have much time for the Travel Channel (unless someone gets a mysterious disease while dining in the Congo), so I'm not hip enough to recognize Bourdain in person. I will say, however, that I'm his new #1 fan. Bourdain got to the back of the line and waited just as patiently as everyone else. And when he got up to the front, he ordered The Salty Pimp.
Yep, The Salty Pimp.
Gotta love the BGICT and Bourdain's style. Tony's a real salt(y pimp) of the earth, a good egg--probably poached with a drizzle of hollandaise, I'd imagine.

Stars-- They're Just Like ME!

Okay, this is getting out of control. Today, I walked into my favorite Chinese restaurant on the Upper West Side for lunch, and who do I see but actress Brooke Smith (not Hogan), who played the tough-as-nails heart surgeon who started a lesbian relationship with Sara Ramirez on Grey's Anatomy!!

I heart TV lesbians. Almost as much as I heart real-life ones.

Anyway, this restaurant has been a fixture in my life since I was a wee lass, and I even followed it when it changed locations. Their new spot is always half empty, even though they have a $6 lunch special that's NOT greasy or made of cat intestines! It's a real diamond in the rough.

So, I walk in and think I recognize this woman, but she was looking a bit sallow (you know the stars are without their makeup), and I wasn't sure. As I took my seat, she started talking and the voice proved it was her. As I texted a couple friends and tried to listen in on her conversation, I realized she was having a heart-to-heart with a (possibly gay) male friend. She was going through something intense. Snippets included:
"I never really felt like I belonged, so usually when I'm on set I just sort of retract."
What, she never felt like she belonged?! But she's been on Grey's! And Weeds!!
"I was just being myself, and this is why this is so hard and surprising."
I'm insecure, too!!!!!

I couldn't catch all of it, but I get the sense that there was some relationship that could never be, and that she wasn't expecting, but it didn't end the way she wanted it to (or maybe I'm projecting?).

I couldn't believe Brooke was just chilling with a best gay having a tender talk over cheap Chinese. Clearly this actress understands the plight of the blacktress. As they rose, he gave her a deep hug and they held each other tight, before walking out arm in arm. Oh my god, haven't I been there?

I've decided I'm getting a poster of her and putting it over my bed.

Pseudo Celeb Sighting!!!

Okay, guys, I swear this is not "Vampire Month" on the blacktress blog, but I can't help but share today's news. Bear with me.

I had lunch in the West Village today with a friend who just finished his final exams for this semester of law school. It was cool to see him, and I was way less autistic than I've been in my recent reunions with friends. I think it's because he's a Will Truman-esque character that I feel safe with--and who I plan to have represent me in future legal troubles (copyrighting the term 'blacktress,' perhaps?).

We were dining on Mexican (one of the cuisines I was deprived of down under, and am now eating with the ferocity of a woman carrying sextuplets), and in walked two gentlemen. One was short, the other was average, with facial hair. They were backlit by the sun and difficult to see at first, but I instantly recognized those faces.

Actors Adam Busch and Danny Strong, who were regulars on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"-- one of my favorite television shows of all time.















Look at how cool they are! Adam with his spiked up hair and his intense gaze. Danny, looking sharp yet earnest with that tender smile. He's, like, 4'11 in real life, guys. And I totally don't care, he is the coolest.

Don't act like you're surprised. You know how I feel about vamps. And teen angst. And lesbian witches.

Needless to say, I was giddy as a school girl on a summer's day when I saw them. I could not stop leaning over to see what they were up to. I was trying to sharpen my bionic hearing, but couldn't catch exactly what they were ordering. Danny asked about onions and peppers, and I immediately made a mental note, just in case I ever invited him to a dinner party and needed to know his dislikes and/or allergies. The highlight was when Danny asked the girls sitting next to them how their guacamole was, and told them they inspired his order. They said it was good, and he actually got up and went to their table and tried their gauc!!!

I wanted to become those girls right away. Immediately. The jealousy was palpable.

I think what made it so intense for me was not only that they were on Buffy, but that on the show they played friends--and here they were in real life, just eating some Mexican, like.... TWO FRIENDS!!!

This simply proves what I've been saying for decades (television is reality), and what US Weekly has been saying for years (stars--they're just like US!)

I was too awkward and nervous to talk to them--who wants to be bothered while eating? So I just sorta smiled at Adam Busch as I walked out and he looked like, "um, why are you looking at me?" Which was all I really needed, actually.

I was tempted to ask them where Alyson Hannigan was, and if she needed a nanny for her offspring, but I figured it was best to quit before the authorities were called.


okay, I'm done sharing. Back to packing for tomorrow's journey to....the center of Caucasia.