I got the following email in my OKCupid inbox this morning:
Hello dear!
How are you?
Looking at your profile makes me feel I have my heart right in your hands...You're so cute! and outgoing!
Every time I see someone like you, I tend to be protective...So I am for you. Because of your character, the right person to befriended is someone like me who understands, respects, protects, serious and real...
I already stated that I am single and eventually interested in a serious relationship...since it takes time to built a relationship...For that I am open to hangout with you, have fun, go to movies, walk in the park , laugh and so on
Now the only thing that I want to know is : "Are you open to spend time with me, do you really want to enjoy my company"???
Waiting for your reply!
until then take care!
OH EM GEE, what do I write back????!?!?!? This guy could be the one!*
*This is sarcasm, in case that wasn't clear. I'm not as good at it as Edith Zimmerman.
Showing posts with label Things Edith Would Appreciate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things Edith Would Appreciate. Show all posts
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Office Ex
There is this guy who works in my office who looks just like my ex boyfriend. I kid you not. Now, joining the ranks of my Office Wife and Office Husband, I now have my Office Ex. It’s totally freaking me out.
For those of you who don’t know (and for those of you who just love the hilarity of it all), my ex boyfriend is an Israeli, vegan, investment banker, who worked about 90 hours a week and did his study-abroad semester at a historically black college.
I kid you not.
How do randoms find me?!
We met at the birthday party of Edith Zimmerman, back in June of 2006…I should have known those two 6s were a sign….
He met me at a delicate time, when I was lost and confused, just fresh back from my tour with THE DEAF (where no one can hear you scream….), and well know how I love a man-cuddle during hard times. He was definitely sweet, and tried very hard to make the love work, but…
He was an Israeli, VEGAN, INVESTMENT BANKER, who WORKED 90 HOURS A WEEK.
Do you see the problems?
In addition to those, his parents were not happy with him dating a blacktress, and wouldn’t acknowledge I was even in his life.
Oh yeah, and he was pro-life.
Nothing’s more awkward than a guy you’ve been dating 2 months telling you he’d be ready to have a child with you if you were to get pregnant.
Oh, wait, actually, I CAN think of something more awkward: him telling you, “I’ve been thinking about whether or not I would love a black child…”
Um, paging Barack Obama!!! So, let’s get this straight: he’s telling me that not only must I bear his seed, but he won’t love it even if it does pop out of the ol’ babymaker!
In the words of Whitney Houston: HELL TO THE NO!!!
As you can see, this is still an emotional situation for me. I look back on the relationship with conflicting emotions and wonder if he is now in the arms of a vegetarian Jewess, who makes him latkes and likes to do spreadsheets. I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, thinking of the unloved mocha baby that would have resulted from our union….
And then I see the Office Ex, walking to the bathroom.
Honestly, the first time I saw him, my stomach leapt in my throat until sanity came back to me. “Get a hold of yourself, Sojourner,” I said. “There’s no way a rich banker boy would suddenly decide to work for business-to-business magazines….Besides, Office Ex is a bit more Jewey, and shorter than Schmomer Schmohen.**”
While I know it’s not him, this doppelganger haunts me, and sometimes makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
I haven’t been able to discuss this with my office spouses (you know how hard it is for your mate to think of you with other people—imagine if that person were always around!!!), so I’ve decided to share this with you, fair readers.
Do you think I should talk to him? Walk up to his desk and say “Shalom!” Ask him his feelings on a woman’s right to choose?
Or should I just turn the other way when I see him—as I do now?
**Names have been changed to protect the Jewish.
For those of you who don’t know (and for those of you who just love the hilarity of it all), my ex boyfriend is an Israeli, vegan, investment banker, who worked about 90 hours a week and did his study-abroad semester at a historically black college.
I kid you not.
How do randoms find me?!
We met at the birthday party of Edith Zimmerman, back in June of 2006…I should have known those two 6s were a sign….
He met me at a delicate time, when I was lost and confused, just fresh back from my tour with THE DEAF (where no one can hear you scream….), and well know how I love a man-cuddle during hard times. He was definitely sweet, and tried very hard to make the love work, but…
He was an Israeli, VEGAN, INVESTMENT BANKER, who WORKED 90 HOURS A WEEK.
Do you see the problems?
In addition to those, his parents were not happy with him dating a blacktress, and wouldn’t acknowledge I was even in his life.
Oh yeah, and he was pro-life.
Nothing’s more awkward than a guy you’ve been dating 2 months telling you he’d be ready to have a child with you if you were to get pregnant.
Oh, wait, actually, I CAN think of something more awkward: him telling you, “I’ve been thinking about whether or not I would love a black child…”
Um, paging Barack Obama!!! So, let’s get this straight: he’s telling me that not only must I bear his seed, but he won’t love it even if it does pop out of the ol’ babymaker!
In the words of Whitney Houston: HELL TO THE NO!!!
As you can see, this is still an emotional situation for me. I look back on the relationship with conflicting emotions and wonder if he is now in the arms of a vegetarian Jewess, who makes him latkes and likes to do spreadsheets. I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, thinking of the unloved mocha baby that would have resulted from our union….
And then I see the Office Ex, walking to the bathroom.
Honestly, the first time I saw him, my stomach leapt in my throat until sanity came back to me. “Get a hold of yourself, Sojourner,” I said. “There’s no way a rich banker boy would suddenly decide to work for business-to-business magazines….Besides, Office Ex is a bit more Jewey, and shorter than Schmomer Schmohen.**”
While I know it’s not him, this doppelganger haunts me, and sometimes makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
I haven’t been able to discuss this with my office spouses (you know how hard it is for your mate to think of you with other people—imagine if that person were always around!!!), so I’ve decided to share this with you, fair readers.
Do you think I should talk to him? Walk up to his desk and say “Shalom!” Ask him his feelings on a woman’s right to choose?
Or should I just turn the other way when I see him—as I do now?
**Names have been changed to protect the Jewish.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
ROPHAR!
I would like to introduce you to a great artist.
His name is Rophar.
He is very confident.
Because Rophar has taken it upon himself to publish a website, I can talk about him without getting in trouble. After all, he clearly wants to share his gift with the world.
I have taken a screen capture of a page of his website, just so that you may get a taste of what I can only describe as magical genius.
Note the sparkles that dance to the right of Rophar’s face, as he poses with his brush on some sort of Roman column, which hints at his status as a god among men. He looks off to the side, deep in what can only be described as dirty thoughts. I think my favorite part is the image of the wood nymph in the background, which is part of a rotating display of the artist’s finest work.
He work is divided by themes, which include:
Nudes
Clowns
Wildlife
Fanciful Felines
Christmas
Enchantment
And OTHER MASTERPIECES.
You can tell that Rophar thinks well of himself. And who am I to make him hide his sparkly light under a bushel? He says in his artist’s statement:
“Rophar is rightfully acknowledged in the most prestigious Who’s Who in American Art and worhy of note, an honor chosen excusively on the merits of the artist work-not monitarily obtainable”
Misspelled words aside, I believe what we should take from this webpage—other than brilliant artwork and a clear homage to Lisa Frank (remember her awesome school supplies? I totes had the bright pink unicorn folders)—is a lesson in the importance of self confidence. What we have here is someone who takes his clowns, felines, and enchantments, and brings them to the world stage for all to see.
Perhaps I’m not making myself clear. Perhaps you will have to see the site for yourself.
I think my favorite part is that the sparkles follow your mouse wherever you drag it along the site. GENIUS!
Do you think Rophar is gay?
His name is Rophar.
He is very confident.
Because Rophar has taken it upon himself to publish a website, I can talk about him without getting in trouble. After all, he clearly wants to share his gift with the world.
I have taken a screen capture of a page of his website, just so that you may get a taste of what I can only describe as magical genius.
Note the sparkles that dance to the right of Rophar’s face, as he poses with his brush on some sort of Roman column, which hints at his status as a god among men. He looks off to the side, deep in what can only be described as dirty thoughts. I think my favorite part is the image of the wood nymph in the background, which is part of a rotating display of the artist’s finest work.
He work is divided by themes, which include:
Nudes
Clowns
Wildlife
Fanciful Felines
Christmas
Enchantment
And OTHER MASTERPIECES.
You can tell that Rophar thinks well of himself. And who am I to make him hide his sparkly light under a bushel? He says in his artist’s statement:
“Rophar is rightfully acknowledged in the most prestigious Who’s Who in American Art and worhy of note, an honor chosen excusively on the merits of the artist work-not monitarily obtainable”
Misspelled words aside, I believe what we should take from this webpage—other than brilliant artwork and a clear homage to Lisa Frank (remember her awesome school supplies? I totes had the bright pink unicorn folders)—is a lesson in the importance of self confidence. What we have here is someone who takes his clowns, felines, and enchantments, and brings them to the world stage for all to see.
Perhaps I’m not making myself clear. Perhaps you will have to see the site for yourself.
I think my favorite part is that the sparkles follow your mouse wherever you drag it along the site. GENIUS!
Do you think Rophar is gay?
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