Some People Really Don't Like Spam

One of my duties at work (not for much longer, though!) is checking the general email address and replying or forwarding all questions from artists, readers, and general randoms. As many of you already know, most artists are weird and crazy—and turn down no chance to share their “quirkiness” and “creativity.” Take, for instance, the following auto-replies I received from emails about our online survey:

Subject: Yahoo! Auto Response
Message:

I'm in LA visiting Lindsay.Thank goodness for AirTran's Crazy 8's sale on August 8!! Be back September 6. –Shelby

Okay, I need to know why this person would put so much extra information in their auto-response. Who is Lindsay? Am I supposed to care? Is it Lindsay Lohan? If Shelby is indeed visiting drunky/cracky/currently gay starlet Li-Lo, then I need way more details.

Oh, and is it just me, or does the second sentence read like some sort of sponsored content? Do you think AirTran makes you plug them in all emails until you’ve returned from your flight?

Subject: Re: Art Magazine’s Survey.
Message:
September 5th is my birthday, so wish me luck.


The artist wrote this because part of our incentive is a free subscription; winners for this freebie will be announced September 5.

Okay, I know, this isn’t an auto-reply, but isn’t it strange? Does she expect me to reply to this? Do I have to send her a birthday e-card now?


Here’s my absolute favorite:

Subject: This email address has been closed due to spam.
Message:

Regarding your message, RE: Your email requires verification Art Mag’s Mail:



You are trying to reach an email address which is no longer in use due to the deluge of spam I experienced a few years ago.



If you are a friend who is trying to reach me, check your email messages. I probably sent you a message giving you my new email address. If I didn't, type first and last name with a period separating the two. Then add @gmail.com to the end and your message should reach me. If not, give me a call.



If you are a business associate trying to reach me, read the above. I am very sorry for the inconvenience.



If you are a spammer: Bully for you. Your unsolicited garbage overran my email address and caused me all sorts of problems. You now have a private bungalow reserved in the very deepest darkest corner of hell.




OH MY GOD. THIS CHICK IS PISSED. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE “ALL SORTS OF PROBLEMS” WERE??????

The Obvious Post

I don't get why Lohan has gone cray-cray. She was caught--much like Herbie--fully loaded. And I think her crazy parents have her in some sort of a trap. Maybe if she stopped hanging out with drunken MEAN GIRLS, she wouldn't need a PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION in some GEORGIA penitentiary to RULE over her. In her mug shot, she's all like, "this is JUST MY LUCK! That coke's not mine! It belongs to BOBBY"

I know I could go on a tirade about wealth and class and white power (yay!), but I won't, cause Sojo is about throwing curve balls. But I will share my favorite nugget from the Lohan debacle. Here is a quote from a prosecuting attorney:

"Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way," Barry Gerald Sands, a Century City defense attorney who's also a certified drug and alcohol counselor, said Wednesday.

Um, objection?
If Lindsay turned 360 degrees, wouldn't she be right back where she started?

And I was the one who had to fight for freedom?

I Know Who Killed You(r Career), Lindsay!
YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!