I could barely get a blog in edgewise, and the next thing you know, it's August 23!
So, for those of you who missed it, my television debut was 20 seconds of pure magic. They indeed used the part where I called Matthew McConaughey a sexy rotisserie chicken.
I don't know what's worse--that I also cupped my breasts for emphasis on national television, or that the Jewboo's parents also watched this.
Speaking of Jewboo, we had dinner with his parents on Friday, and his mother is revealing herself to be quite the strong black woman. Not only does she always have her nails did (red tips), but she's a teacher who has no tolerance for foolishness! Jewboo actually left me alone with them for 40 minutes when he had to skidaddle post-dinner for his show.
Suddenly, I became terrified of being super awkward and saying something inappropriate like, "I've planned my wedding to your son. Do you need me to convert?"
Luckily, I kept it cool and PG, and they mostly just asked me why he's FUNemployed.
They even asked me if I wanted to come over for Yom Kippur to break the fast with them--they are totally making me a member of the tribe. Unfortch, that's a crazy time at work and there's no way massa will let me off the plantation--even if it is on a Friday.
What I like about them is that they are super welcoming, and although they are older members of Caucasia, they don't say things like, "I didn't think you'd be black because you didn't sound black over the phone!"
Which is what was said to me BY AN ARTIST I INTERVIEWED LAST WEEK.
Yes, child! In 2010!
And what's the real kicker is that he's all about painting brown people and doing social-realist work. He even used to illustrate books for African-American authors. And homey had the nerve to sit next to me and basically tell me that he didn't think I was black because I sounded educated.
I swear, if we weren't in a shitty economy, I'd be out of here. Fortunately, momma didn't raise no fool, so I know to keep my bitterness to myself--unlike a certain scientist who works at UC Berkeley.
Dr. Tyrone Hayes (no relation to singer Isaac) was called out for sending a series of angry, misspelled emails to employees at Syngenta, a chemical company that manufactures atrazine. He's been against the use of atrazine (an herbacide used by corn growers) for years, but there's no change in legislation and use. So, finally fed up, he decided to take his beef to the streets--via email, the way all scientist thugs do. Featuring quotes from various rap songs, these emails really "sounded black"--so those Syngenta scrubs knew who they were messing with. Dr. Hayes' PhD must be a Playa-hating degree!!
First of all, look at this man's hair:
I can't handle this truth!!! He needs to at least deep condition his jam if he's gonna let it all out like that!
Then he sends the following emails (just two of many many more):
On Feb. 13, 2009, he says:
aww shucks … I’m bouta’ handle my biz right now
see you bucked…wondering…”what it is right now?”
ya outa’ luck…bouta show you how it is right now
see you’re ****ed (i didn’t pull out) and ya fulla my j*z right now!
In another from 2008, Hayes writes (apparently in response to a public statement from a Syngenta spokesman):
tell your little lap dog to wear knee pads next time and wipe the *** from
his mouth before he steps up to the mic.
"Steps up to the mic"? Are they in some sort of rap battle? Is Syngenta aware of this? I highly doubt it.
You can read all the emails he sent here. He quotes the greats, you guys--Luda (my mom's fave), Tupac, and HIS OWN FATHER (Romeo Hayes).
Thanks to his antics, black folks won't be getting PhDs at Berkeley for a good three years!
WHO ON EARTH QUOTES RAP LYRICS ABOUT HIS JIZ???
