Yesterday I got a phone call from Oliver, from Escalibre, a temp agency I'd signed up with over a month ago. I had my initial interview with Oliver, a dreamy blonde Brit with a dry humour. Most of our 50-minute interview just involved cracking jokes and talking about my time in Sydney thus far.
After getting mad bored with no temp gigs showing up, I started stalking Oliver much in the manner of a schoolgirl who has just lost her virginity to an asshole jock. I called regularly, trying to sound breezy, but subtly pressuring him for any job offers. Like the cool cad he is, he would totally make a couple of funnies, get me all comfortable, then take an emotional scythe to my throat as he told me there were no jobs available.
I finally realized that I couldn't force him to love me--I mean, find me work. So I decided to play it cool. And it turns out that good things do come to those who wait. And it is darkest before the dawn, and all that other crap.
I got a call to come in and work for a prominent cruise ship company, which will remain nameless just in case someone on staff likes to Google him/her/hirself when no one's looking. Of course, when I was first told I'd be working for a cruiseline, my reaction was two fold:
1. Will I be performing great diva hits on the Lido deck nightly at 7pm? I'll do anything but Etta James, as she's liable to cut a blacktress.
2. Ship...ship...ship...why does that fill me with dread? Oh yeah--SLAVERY!!!
Where are you taking me, Oliver?!
Clearly I overreacted.
I got in today at 10:30 am, where I was greeted by a smiley HR woman, who found it funny that I didn't want to look at my ID photo before it was printed. I mean, hello, business casual and chunky sweater--what's there to see? Any way you slice it, it's a hot mess.
I was then handed over to Sarah, who doesn't look a day over 12. In fact, she looks like a kewpie doll.
Imagine this doll dressed in a cardigan and A-line skirt, and give her a ponytail. That's my boss.
Luckily, she's as sweet as she looks and today was pretty low-key, which was good. Of course being a member of the talented tenth, work was crazily easy, and I found myself wanting to check my email during a lull.
After typing in gmail.com, I was greeted with the most heinous image I have ever seen:
ACCESS DENIED
BLOCKED BY SURFCONTROL.
BLOCKED BY SURFCONTROL.
WTF?!
How the hell am I supposed to get through my day without gmail?! I got in at 10:45, had a 45-minute lunch, was practically kicked out at 5:15pm, and still got everything done that had piled up. Without the ability to procrastinate and psychoanalyze every letter of every email from Fred Weasley, I'm going to have to actually work. Quickly and efficiently.
Ew.
Then they'll realize I'm kind of bright and probably give me responsibilities or something.
This is not what I signed on for!
So, I'm calling out to you, readers. What can I do to procrastinate just enough that they don't want me to do extra things? Maybe I'll just stay up really late and go in so tired and lame that every task actually ends up taking 2 hours to complete.
Questions, comments, suggestions?
4 comments:
Cat's cradle.
Also, once when the internet went out at my old job someone dared me to eat six saltines in a minute without drinking any water. I couldn't understand how that would be difficult (duh) so I took the challenge, failed, and then everyone started coming up with suggestions for how to make it work. Pretty soon someone went down to the grocery store and got a box of saltines and the rest is...someone nearly choked.
HATE it when they realize you're actually good at stuff. I could never work somewhere that blocked gmail. That's just not right and certainly not okay.
@Acacia: I've totally done that before. Successfully. My saliva is apparently the shit.
break something, like one of their model ships, just accidentally knock it off a case, they cant fire you for it but it'll distract them from your amazing powers.
if you are where i think you are then there are several models on Level 9.
if you need somewhere to hide, we can offer shelter on level 3
Use a proxy. The kids do it at school all the time. U are going to have to ask someone techy to find out which proxies are safe and wont steal all your info. but the proxies are successful at letting the kids watch porn and other BET videos.
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