I am heading to Europe to spread the truth. Starting Wednesday, I will spend 3 days in London, where I will say “Frosted Flakes” when they say “Cheerio!” and then head to Barcelona, where I will tell LA VERDAD! Though it may seem odd to leave this country on one of our highest of holy days-- Thanksgiving-- I feel it is on the day of celebrating the oppression of a minority that I must escape.
I’m excited for this getaway primarily because the United States is heaping oppression on me like we’re back in slave days. How, you may ask?
1. I did not get the co-op. Apparently, I’m not good enough to live in a newly renovated crack den. Fine then, let them gentrify it and don’t blame me when the Columbia kids leave the doors unlocked and everyone gets jacked!!
2. I was rejected by a 25 year old actor who is new to this fair city and has one testicle. Um, excuse me? While I was initially drawn to the fact that he was a survivor, and could perhaps relate to oppression and darkness (as well as the dark woman), it turns out I really should have focused on the most important part of his identity: he’s an ACTOR. Though I am a blacktress, and appreciate the artistic yearning, actors often have the following traits which prevent them from being true:
- They are egotistical.
- They are broke
- They sleep on twin-sized air mattresses.
- They live in non-renovated crack dens.
But they also often have a charm and charisma which is dangerous when unleashed. And I must admit I was the victim of yet another performer, another player on life’s stage. And he indeed played me—much like a remake of a Shakespearean drama starring the latestWish me luck. I may not return.
1 comment:
Well, Thanksgiving is a bullshit holiday anyway, but you have to love a holiday where it is considered successful if you eat so much your clothes don't fit anymore and drink so much you fall asleep on the couch. Oh, and there's some wonderful irony about celebrating the theft from and murder of millions of people. (yay!)
Barcelona is magic. Just magic. But beware, the fickleness of Spanish men makes actors seem devoted. But pretty, oh so pretty. Skinny, too, and you like that, right? But they all live with their mothers. And I appreciate the free room and board, but cmon, you're 28, dude.
Oh, but the racism thing is a bit much. I think you remember a certain Ethiopean/Eritrean goddess from our school? Very dignified woman, I'm sure you'd agree. yeah, she was assumed to be a street prostitute because she was black. Not even a nice call girl, but a mistress of the street. She's standing there in her, like, Burberry scarf, Coach bag and Prada sunglasses, and gets mistaken for a whore. So, uh, watch out, I guess. Or, like, work it? I don't know.
Anyway, we'll miss you terribly. Love you!
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