I sent in my application and paid my $195 Australian dollars (which is, sadly, about $194.50 US dollars) this morning, guys—Australia, here I come!!!
As I went through the 8-page application, I gave them all my personal biznass, and half expected to have to submit a blood sample and/or provide a retinal scan. Luckily, they just wanted to make sure I wasn’t a thieving immigrant looking to have major surgery done on their shores. Sample questions included:
What is your usual occupation?: BLACKTRESS
What employment do you intend to seek in Australia?: Michelle Obama and/or Beyoncé impersonator
Do you intend to perform medical procedures during your stay in Australia?: Only if you consider making people HANDLE THE TRUTH a medical procedure
Seriously, though, I’m really excited. And nervous. Where will I live? Will I find work? Will I find people to make out with so that my blog can thrive down under? What if I get attacked by one of the many venomous creatures that only exist in Australia (the only island that is also a country and also a continent!)?! I’ve been reading up on my soon-to-be home, and I’ve discovered many interesting factoids, which I will share with you:
- Victoria is home to Megascolides Australis the GIANT EARTH WORM! Measuring up to 12 feet long, it’s huge and gross, and I think might have been the basis for the movie Tremors.
- Australia did not become a proper nation until 1901, when the 6 colonies decided to come together.
- The notion of Australian citizenship didn’t exist until 1949; before that, they were British citizens.
- The average population density in Australia is only 6 people per square mile! The world average is about 117.
- I plan on visiting the following places simply for their names: Wagga Wagga, Poowong, Burrumbuttock, and….wait for it….wait for it….Tittybong! I am hoping to become the mayor of one of these places.
Sidebar: In Australia, comedians are known as ‘crackers.’ When I first heard the term used to describe Kathy Griffin, I thought it was quite racist and more than a little bit rude—until I got down with the lingo.
5 comments:
When my family moved down to Maryland, my mom thought about marrying the mayor of Scagsville. It's a town you pass on 32 after you've exited 95!!
Do it to it Naomi, and if I can make the finances work, expect a visit!!
-Nina
I have my fingers crossed that you will become an infamous cracker in Australia.
G'day - this blog popped up on a google alert re comedy in Australia. We could always do with more funny women, so yay!
"cracker" might be a bit Melbourne-specific perhaps? I haven't particularly heard it around Sydney (our comedy festival is called the Cracker Comedy Festival though, so perhaps I'm just not hip to the youngster's lingo these days (insert obligatory get off my lawn! here)).
"crack-ups" is common, as in they CRACK me UP. Doesn't the US use that too? Too many Irish immigrants and their craic :)
jjs iii's line is still marvellous though.
I believe a trip to a suburb called Tumbledown Dick is also in order.
Oh, you are serious about this! I think it is pretty awesome that people from the down under are already reading your blog!
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