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Happy Friday, friends!

Living with Jewboo is going pretty well, considering I'm an only child who needs complete quiet in order to fall asleep and he's a neurotic workaholic. It's good having someone to share responsibilities with and look to for support. And have an extra computer to use. My laziness seems to know no bounds and when his computer is right there, all on the desk and easy to use, I don't want to lug my laptop to various areas of the house.

Unfortunately, this also means Jewboo has access to the myriad of useless things that occupy my mind on a daily basis. Below are a list of things I've recently looked into on the information super highway. As I write this list and share it with the blogsphere, I release the shame and embarrassment that comes with it. Thank you for bearing witness to my recovery.

Things I Have Recently Googled

• comedy festivals 2013, submissions open
• comedy managers
• how many calories burned by [insert a range of everyday actions here]
• best rueben sandwiches, nyc
• how to make corned beef (clearly, I was trying to empower myself)
• large pores in forehead cause excessive sweating?
• coupons Almond Breeze Almond Milk
• [My own name]

Baby's First Cover Letter

Guys, this is the real deal. I am showing you an unedited cover letter sent in to our offices. My boss handed it to me as he passed by, saying, “I think I’m gonna need coffee before I finish this.” Here’s why:

To Whom It May Concern:

Have you ever had such passion, such a burning desire to accomplish something that others could almost see the fire raging in your eyes? If there was fifteen-foot brick wall that fell in between you and your goal, you’d grab the nearest rope and start climbing. Obstacles, feel my wrath; you won’t be in the way for long. Allow me to introduce my way of accomplishing goals; they just get done. I’ve applied this method at work for a year now. My co-workers call me an animal. I reply, “Jason’ is just fine, thanks.”

Greetings! I cannot stress enough the interesting and anticipation I have for obtaining this position at your magazine. What I bring to your company is a consummate work ethic and a detail-oriented approach to writing. Although my official title may be “staff writer,” I’m a jack of all trades…

[I’m going to skip the bit about the magazines he’s worked for, cause it’d probably get me in some sort of internet trouble]

I am also familiar with Adobe software such as Photoshop and Acrobat reader, and possess a basic knowledge of HTML. A fast, efficient web browser, I usually find what I’m looking for within minutes. I’ve also assembled my PC from scratch—twice.

I’m a proactive learner who plans carefully and performs efficiently. My writing passion radiates throughout my work. It would be a privilege to apply my skills as an editorial assistant at your magazine.

Cordially,
Jason Newton*

OH MY GOD. This is too good! I think my favorite line is, “Obstacles, feel my wrath; you won’t be in the way for long.”
No, no, I think it’s, “A fast, efficient web browser, I usually find what I’m looking for within minutes.”

Um, I think it’s called “Google,” Jason.




*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Someone Down Under....I'm Talking to YOU!

Bless me readers, for I have sinned.

My internet stalking skills have been taken to new heights.
It has been 12 years since my last confession.

I have added a lovely feature to my blog that allows me to track visitors. I can tell from whence they came, how long they perused my truths, and what prompted such a visit. I’ve found this to be exciting, ego-boosting, and hilarious, as it is quite interesting to see how people all over the world have stumbled upon this page. Some of searches that are likely to lead you to Sojo:

1. If you're in Malaysia ask Google: what to do if my cat is in mating season

2. Go to Yahoo! And look up “black greeks soundz”—clearly this got someone to my post on my favorite bar, SOUNDZ, and probably something on the fedora-wearing, fur shrug-giving Greek loser.

3. If you’re looking for a gay men diary blog, the blacktress is your best bet.

4. Someone somewhere searched the phrase no love for hos-- I mean, who does have love for hos? Not this blacktress!

5. My new favorite came today, from someone in NYC. They were on Google searching the following: wifey which one are you urban poems.

The thing is, I use the word wifey sparingly and Sojo doesn't even appear on the first page of the Google search. This implies that someone perused the offerings available and said to him/her/hirself, "Hmm....Diary of a Mad Blacktress....that sounds like a place where I could get some urban poems." They were probably sorely disappointed to find that my only urban poem is an "Ode to Harry Potter."

Random search phrases aside, I have also noticed another interesting pattern among visitors. Someone in Sydney, Australia, has been reading my blog on a daily basis. Who could it be????? Could it be the man who inspired this post? I only know two people located in that city, and I doubt the other one has such daily blogging time available, the way a web designer would.

This is intriguing and I'm haunted with unknowing. So I write this post, in an attempt to draw my Australian reader out--smoke him/her out of her hole, as GW would say.

Show yourself, Australian. Leave a comment, show some love, send me a kebab--or a kangaroo.
Sojourner knows you're out there.