16 and Pregnant - Season 2, Episode 3

9:56 - I would like you to know how much I'm multi-tasking right now. I am blogging, flat-ironing (and then wrapping) my hair, and eating a brownie.
Although I'd like to be able to do one thing at a time, I must say I am grateful to be able to do all these things at once, as this ability is due to the fact that I am not pregnant or 16, or in an abusive relationship with a 17-year-old psychopath (for more on that, check out last week's live blog.)

10:00 - Valerie! She's 15 and lives in Farm Country, near Oxford, Pennsylvania. She's brown, but she was adopted by white parents (middle-america's very own Brangelina)...and has 8 brothers and sisters.

White boyfriend, we cut to him beatboxing, and then saying, "I'm gonna be chillin' shirtless for the next few hours."
Clearly he's urban.

32 Weeks Pregnant - She wants to give Matt space.
Valerie, chillin' with her friend Sienna on the dirt road. Look, there are other black people in farm country!
"I can't visualize being with anyone else."
Um, Valerie, you're a tween. You think Taylor Swift settled with Taylor Lautner just cause they had the same first name?! If Swift can take it slow, so can you.

"But you're only 15. How could you know for the rest of your life that you'll never be with another person?" - I love how each girl has a smart common-sense friend.

10:02 - They didn't really use condoms. "Cause I was dumb...he was more experienced than I was, so I thought if it was an issue, he'd bring it up."
Well, I guess she beat me to it, so there's nothing to say there.

10:04 - They're expecting a girl, and naming her Neveah-- "cause it's 'heaven' backwards."
Um, did Ekatsim (what's that backwards, guys!) not have a nice ring to it?

10:05 - "We're pro choice -- Pro-life [he corrects himself after Valerie interrupts him]. So, she had no choice the way I saw it." - Her father is, like, 100 years old. And the fact that he confused pro-life and pro-choice implies to me that he shouldn't even be making the calls.

10:06 - Matt and his homeboy are sitting in his car beatboxing - you know, the way the urban youth are known to do. Then, you know, just take a break from the beat to discuss why he broke up with Valerie. I love that he wants to get a paternity test. Or, as his friend Eddie calls it, "the FRATERNITY TEST."
Good lord.

10:07 - Valerie calls up Matt. "We don't have any reason to be talking unless it's about the baby." Damn, he left her out cold....but then tells her he still loves her.

"We had sex alot and it was unprotected. You know it was your baby." - Valerie
"I'm not gonna deal with this petty shit."- Matt's response before hanging up.
Really? If unplanned pregnancy is petty, what does get Matt's panties in a bunch?
Probably rap battles going down on his turf without his beatbox skills.

10: 12 - Valerie's home-schooled because she failed a bunch of classes last year.
"I guess I miss getting up and actually going to school." Well, yes, Val - that's what it means to go to school at home. I love how her friend Ashley is kinda ridiculous.
Valerie is so pouty. Like, not a whiner, but a wanna-be sexy pout.

10:13 - She called Matt to give him an ultimatum, then went into labor that night.
But now she's fighting with her mother about the contractions, and then trying to call Matt.
This labor seems oddly relaxed.

10:14 - in the hospital - thank god
"After the nurse got me hooked up, we waited...and waited...and waited."
Um, what exactly were you hooked up with? I don't consider there to be any sort of hook up involved in pregnancy.

10:15 - FALSE ALARM -- the doctor sent her home!
Matt left her a vm "I just called to see if you were in labor and all that....if the baby ain't born, don't bother calling back."
Where are these 15 year olds finding these emotional abusers? I think Dr. Drew needs to do a special on relationship violence.

10:17 - Valerie brings her homegirl to the doctor's office with her. Why is Ashley in the office, just chillin?
"Is it going to go back to normal after I have the baby?"
I don't know if she means her physique or her vag--all I know is, you've got bigger fish to fry.

10:18 - Matt calls, saying he's ready to step up. So he goes over to Valerie's and lays out his plan:
"I thought for hours...I laid in bed and listened to music for three hours straight, and just thought...about what's best for the baby, and for me, cause it's my life."
Um, everything about the sentence above is why 17-year-old boys shouldn't be allowed to have sex.
Matt's decided to move to Wilmington, Delaware, so he can get a job and get his life together to help support his baby.
Okay, you know they must be in the back woods if Delaware is the promised land.

10:23 - August, 36 Weeks Pregnant.
Home schooling is soooo boring. Well, this is what happens when you skip class and get knocked up.
- 39 weeks pregnant - BABY SHOWER!
Sienna came over to talk. I like Sienna much more than Ashley - and no, not just cause she's black. It seems like she has some sense.
- "He [the doctor] told me to push like I was having a bowel movement, and I thought that was, like, a special move or something." I love that Valerie has no idea what a bowel movement is, and is about to be in charge of another human life.

10:31 - 40 weeks
"What's going on with you and Matt?" - Her younger brother asked her. He's brown, too, as is her older brother. What's with Val's parents adopting the brown?
She's ready for labor. Matt showed up!!
Why isn't he beatboxing?
"My dad can keep a pretty cool exterior, but he must be excited if he forgot his teeth."
I TOLD Y'ALL HE WAS 100!

10:33 - Baby's being born! There's brown stuff in the amniotic sac, which makes the doc think the baby may have breathed in her own fecal matter in the womb -- DANGER, DANGER!!

God, it's so hard to blog and stay focused, this is so intense.

9 Hours into labor. Matt's all up in the crotch, trying to give support. Okay, I hate him less than Josh.
10:35 - Watching her push. Oh god, the pain is beyond intense.
Whew, the baby popped out!

Josh is wiping her tears!!! Teens can be tender!

10:36 - The baby's airlifted to a larger hospital because her condition seems to have gotten worse.
AAAHHH, this is too intense.

10:39 - She was airlifted to a hospital in Philadelphia and given antibiotics...and now she's safe!!
This baby's a trooper!

Matt headed back to Delaware, and now Valerie's figuring out how to handle biznass on her own.

10:41 - Valerie calls her soul sister Sienna, who lives 200 miles away. They're totally having a "Waiting to Exhale" moment--you know, like, a 15-year-old version.

10:43 - Valerie's calling around for daycare to see if she can go back to school. She doesn't have daycare money. Shit, I don't have daycare money, and I'm an employed adult!

10:47 - Baby's 6 weeks old, and now mom is back in home school.
Everything about that sentence makes me sad.
Valerie and her homegirl Ashley are shopping for baby things - why are all their scenes set in Target?
Ashley's giving her the hot high school gossip.

- Valerie's in home school. Barb's trying to teach her about like terms and the baby's crying - how can she concentrate?! I love how old Barb is - I bet she and the dad both have autographed copies of the Bible.

10:49 - Matt comes over and is actually sweet with the baby. I wish he'd get rid of that god-awful facial hair, though.
"Her head is 15 1/2 inches in.... diameter?..." Oh, Valerie - I need you paying attention during math class in home school, boo boo.

Mom lets Matt sleep over, even though she's "not thrilled about it." Well, shit, she's already gotten knocked up, Mom - what's the worst that could happen?

10:51 - Matt's beatboxing to the baby!!!
I'm sorry, this is the greatest moment in the history of "16 and Pregnant."
BEATBOXING TO THE BABY.
I think I need an urban daddy to sing my baby ghetto lullabies.

10:55 - I love how Matt keeps asking about the baby being gassy, and even went to wash his hands before holding the baby-- and he hasn't once mentioned the fraternity test!
Something's happening to him!

They're giving her a bath together, so sweet!
This baby doesn't have a touch of color and she's got a brown mama - but she'll color up. Believe it or not, young Sojo was slightly light skinned-ded growing up.

10:57 - Valerie's final thoughts:
You gotta do, what you gotta do.

Well, not the most inspired thoughts, but I hear ya, Val - you're making due.

Next week's ep: Chelsea.
Another shitty piercing and another abusive teen boyfriend.

Are we bored of these posts yet, gentle readers?