Summertime and the Dressin' is Shitty....

As the weather stays warm, everyone's dressing for the season--and many are looking fierce. I mean, I work in Chelsea, so every block and a half I see a young model on her way to a go-see (yep, I know the lingo), but even the normals are bringin' their A-game.

Except for the men.

I've discovered that I have several prejudices against certain fashion choices that men make. In fact, they offend me with their grossness.
I would like to share them with you now.
As with my fears, I believe that as I say them, I release them.

Hipster mullet.


                             

I came across this just yesterday while getting lunch with a gal pal. It was one of those hip restaurants where all of the waitstaff look like runaways from Oregon, and the guy asked us how many we'd be before reserving our table with a flame-patterned kerchief. So typical.

TEVAS

OF COURSE this guy would have a fish is a lava-lamp-shaped tank and a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge as his screensaver. No, buddy, I don't want to hear about that time you went to India with your parents for vacation!

This same character is usually found wearing another gguuhh--ross item: 

the short-sleeve button-down. 

I know, I know, this may polarize many of you, but this is my blog and my truth!

It doesn't matter how attractive you are, this screams LAME DAD!

Jaunty Caps (with unkempt hair)

No, you're not cool, you're not a 1940s jazz musician, and you don't have to get up early tomorrow and go to a life-drawing class. 

Winter Hats in Non-Winter Weather.    

Not even on Zefron.

This makes me want to vomit.

This makes me want to vomit--and not because it's Howie Mandel.  

FYI: it doesn't look good on non-white guys, either. 

While we're on the face, let's discuss WAXED MUSTACHES. 

Kill yourself.

The man below is basically the stuff of my nightmares.

Frosted Hair; 1990s-swing-music-revival-style T-Shirt; BLEACHED SOUL PATCH; sculpted facial hair AROUND the soul patch; TWO hoop earrings; AND A PINKY RING.