How's your day going? I'm actually on a up-swing, largely because of baked goods. Wednesday is my birthday, which always gets me in a mood (What do I have to show for myself????). A need for a quick lunch led me to Hale & Hearty Soups at about 2pm, when I was ravenous. A need to stop feeling crappy led me to exit Hale & Hearty and hit the Crumbs right next door.
As I walked back to my office with an Oreo cupcake, I tried to rationalize my lunch decision. When I reached my desk, however, there was already a package from Crumbs waiting for me!!!! My coworker had gotten me an early birthday gift! Clearly, I was meant to eat a cupcake today. I feel like the world is on my side.
In other news: There have been intense happenings with Jewboo. Of course, since the blog has ceased to be a safe space for my emotions and dramatizations, I've had to confide in my main gay via gchat. But obvi I can't keep anything to myself for too long, so I must share the transcript.
me: THIS JUST IN:
JJSiii:!!!
me: From Jewboo at 9:53am:
Hey dear, now that my job situation is taken care of, maybe we can now start discussing seriously moving in together? How does that strike you? Just wanted to float that out there.
JJSiii: I assume this is a good thing?
me: Yes! While visiting his parents, we even took a quick gander at RINGS.
JJSiii: RINGS? STOP IT. I HAVE BEEN OUT OF YOUR GCHAT LIFE FOR TOO LONG.
me: SERIOUSLY.
We were visiting the parents and we went to the mall
and he went into video game store and i went into one of those shops--like, Kay Jewelers or something--cause that's my idea of true romance.
and then he met me there and we looked for, like, 15 minutes together
I TRIED THINGS ON
JJSiii: oh my gosh, oh my gosh.
Shit is serious. I'm, like, planning your wedding in my head.
By planning it, I mean that I'm thinking about how much I want to be at it.
JJSiii: EVEN THOUGH I'VE NEVER IRL MET THIS MAN.
me: YOU MAY BE GIVING ME AWAY
you know i need one of my main gays to give me away
JJSiii: OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH.
This is such a caps-lock occasion.
I'm basically fanning my non-existent Cindy Lou Va-Who-Who, because this news makes me WET WITH EXCITEMENT.
So, as you can see, there's a lot happening. Of course, there is no proposal on the horizon BUT we are talking about cohabitation, which is more than enough ch-ch-change for one decade. Of course, the big issue is Harlem vs. Brooklyn, and you know where I stand.
Really, guys, my aversion to Brooklyn isn't my fault--it's in my blood. Before I was born, my mom and dad lived in Brooklyn and when my mom was pregnant she planned to have me at Harlem Hospital, cause it was way better than the BK hospitals at the time. Can you imagine a woman with her water broken hopping in a cab, saying, "Get me to Harlem, stat!"
Clearly, this was before the days when cab drivers profiled.
As luck would have it, I was born a few weeks early, just when my mom was having a follow-up appointment with her doctor. When she hopped off the exam table her water broke and I came out a few hours later. I knew we couldn't wait until returning to BK.
The main issue is that I am living in a ridiculously large place in the heart of Manhattan. I'm beyond lucky and I don't think it's smart to abandon prime real estate I'd never be able to afford otherwise in a city that everyone wants to be in.
Jewboo's reasoning is that the Harlem house comes with substantial mama drama, and he doesn't want to be subjected to it--or, even worse, in the middle of the two of us.
And I get that. Most people who come over for a meal start talking about moving in; Jewboo isn't just going with what's easiest or trying to take advantage, which I respect. Plus, I'm done with being under my mom's thumb, too, and there is a lot of pride I have to swallow in order to be where I am. But....
Mama didn't raise no fool. You don't cast off a brownstone for a shoebox when you're increasing your household size. Me + Jewboo + 2 cats + all of our creative endeavors which would make great use of extra rooms as offices and rehearsal spaces = sucking it up and taking advantage of a sweet deal. Perhaps it's because Jewboo has never really seen himself as a "have not" and knows nothing of NYC besides expensive shoeboxes, so he's not really hung up on it. I think our standards directly relate to our expectations, and I will be the first to admit that I am spoiled when it comes to accommodations. Besides, the idea of moving every 2 years as you inevitably outgrow the space (after all, our Emmy collection will take up most of the shelves) isn't appealing.
Plus, I must say I'd love it if those two cats had a special closet for their litter box--you gotta confine that smell, people. I'm not trying to come home to the smell of "Not-so-Fresh Step." Of course, this is a totally luxury "problem," but if it's possible, why would you live any other way?
Then again, as we start a new phase of our relationship, it would be nice to start fresh, in a newtral space. And I'd love to be able to decorate and start from scratch and build a place together--and not have my mother popping over whenever she felt like it, ragging on how badly I maintain a house, like a demeaning Steve Urkel.
I don't know. I love the boy and definitely want him to be my forever friend, but I also don't believe in oppressing myself if I don't have to or denying myself a luxury simply because there are a few strings attached. I mean, there are always strings attached to stuff. It seems like it's more beneficial to work on establishing boundaries with mom than it is to abandon the Harlem house--wouldn't you say it's throwing the baby out with the bathwater?
Your comments/suggestions would be much appreciated. Perhaps you can help me frame it in a way that a Jewboo can understand.
The main issue is that I am living in a ridiculously large place in the heart of Manhattan. I'm beyond lucky and I don't think it's smart to abandon prime real estate I'd never be able to afford otherwise in a city that everyone wants to be in.
Jewboo's reasoning is that the Harlem house comes with substantial mama drama, and he doesn't want to be subjected to it--or, even worse, in the middle of the two of us.
And I get that. Most people who come over for a meal start talking about moving in; Jewboo isn't just going with what's easiest or trying to take advantage, which I respect. Plus, I'm done with being under my mom's thumb, too, and there is a lot of pride I have to swallow in order to be where I am. But....
Mama didn't raise no fool. You don't cast off a brownstone for a shoebox when you're increasing your household size. Me + Jewboo + 2 cats + all of our creative endeavors which would make great use of extra rooms as offices and rehearsal spaces = sucking it up and taking advantage of a sweet deal. Perhaps it's because Jewboo has never really seen himself as a "have not" and knows nothing of NYC besides expensive shoeboxes, so he's not really hung up on it. I think our standards directly relate to our expectations, and I will be the first to admit that I am spoiled when it comes to accommodations. Besides, the idea of moving every 2 years as you inevitably outgrow the space (after all, our Emmy collection will take up most of the shelves) isn't appealing.
Plus, I must say I'd love it if those two cats had a special closet for their litter box--you gotta confine that smell, people. I'm not trying to come home to the smell of "Not-so-Fresh Step." Of course, this is a totally luxury "problem," but if it's possible, why would you live any other way?
Then again, as we start a new phase of our relationship, it would be nice to start fresh, in a newtral space. And I'd love to be able to decorate and start from scratch and build a place together--and not have my mother popping over whenever she felt like it, ragging on how badly I maintain a house, like a demeaning Steve Urkel.
I don't know. I love the boy and definitely want him to be my forever friend, but I also don't believe in oppressing myself if I don't have to or denying myself a luxury simply because there are a few strings attached. I mean, there are always strings attached to stuff. It seems like it's more beneficial to work on establishing boundaries with mom than it is to abandon the Harlem house--wouldn't you say it's throwing the baby out with the bathwater?
Your comments/suggestions would be much appreciated. Perhaps you can help me frame it in a way that a Jewboo can understand.
8 comments:
HARLEM BROWNSTONE!
As a Brooklyn, WI I must implore you to stay in that wonderful home of yours, even if it is in Harlem. Jewboo, just grow to love the Black Mama Drama, it comes from a good place, trust. Don't try to understand it, just accept it.
If y'all do leave can I move in? Your mom loves me! I'd go back to the plantation just to make rent.
I'm all about avoiding shitty, over-priced, fire-hazardous cramped shoeboxes if at all possible, but that's because I happen to live in one. But no situation is going to be perfect. You could always try it in the brownstone and then if it doesn't feel right, and you want a fresh start, then move out (which you presumably will do eventually anyway)? If you can't decide what to do right now, it would be easier to try cohabitation that way rather than the other way around.
You know I love your house and would love to run my hands all over its fine mahogany on the reg. Also, I love the idea of you and Jewboo establishing some kind of Harlem comedy outpost, holding salons and soirees and random burlesque shows. I totally think that house is PRIME real estate. But I do think Jewboo has a very large point... as you establish yourself as a cohabiting couple, you might want to be a unit on your own terms, without the influence of moms, or roommates, or anyone else for that matter. It might be a nice fresh start for you to explore a new place, outside of the history (good and bad) and guilt of living in mom's house. This is a real toughie, but as my Grandpa Spence used to say, whatever decision you will make will be the right one, because it's the decision you make. And remember, sharing the rent on a large one bedroom ain't bad. I suggest taking a look around at places and seeing how you feel about it. Excited for you!
So I totally don't know you, but HARLEM, dear lord, HARLEM.
Katie & Jewboo's points are real about moving into a place that someone else owns .... I moved in with my dude after he'd been in the condo he'd owned for a year and it wasn't great. I never felt like I had an equal say, and approached things totaly different from the places we've lived since.
BUT = HARLEM BROWNSTONE. Make it work somehow. Can you give him two rooms to do with as he pleases and move all your ish out?
I'm leaning towards Harlem, mostly because a demeaning Steve Urkel would provide perfect fuel for the scripts that will win you two Emmys.
Don't leave Manhattan. Change your locks so your mom can't walk in. If she stops by and knocks, just sit quietly and she'll think you're "out" and go away.
AAAHHH, I love you all, my darling readers!!!! These are all good points and I totes feel you. Maybe we move out on our own, establish firm boundaries with moms, and then once she respects my autonomy, I can rent out her place with the boo like any other tenant.
We're still in negotiations. If Jewboo's new job wasn't in Brooklyn, I might have more of a fighting chance, but fingers crossed--I'm gonna have to adopt Grandpa Spence's perspective on this, since it involves little to no self-flagellation.
Agreed with JJSIII: keep the brownstone!!! Is he crazy? As much as I love Brooklyn and can appreciate the desire to be away from an overbearing Mom (I have a black mother, too) I would do just about anything to have regular access to real estate like that. Also, obviously, comedy gold. Like, this should not even be a discussion. Tell him to be rational, and shout "TU QUOQUE FALLACY" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque) as soon as he raises the obvious challenge to that exhortation.
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